More texts and confusion

I received photos of ‘Scott’ smoking in the woods from Sergeant Owen Jones in the middle of the night.. I didn’t see them until the morning.. I have been getting into bed at 9 pm in order to get more sleep move stuff through my body and all the chakras, this lead up to the Full Moon Eclipse is particularly intense. I woke around 11.30 am to text messages saying the person resented me implying he was part of a scam as he is a ‘decorated military officer’ and was only writing out of ‘concern’ for Scott. “I don’t play head trips or mess with others” were the other words used.. I felt sick.

I am feeling that I have to let go of everything right now.. I was awake from 11.30 to 2.30 and then slept through to 7.30 am. I had a lot of dreams about my ex last night.. my last partner not my husband.. In the dream he broke down (which is something he would never do in real life) and I was comforting him there was also a dream about a yellow racing car that had black stripes which is a dream symbol of Mars.. this isn’t the kind of car I would usually drive I am a small car Toyota driver and I am not into cars as status symbols. To be honest I am a bit scared of speed due to my accident and the fact in my chart Mars is limited by Saturn which represents fear and transiting Saturn is bang on this at present.

I haven’t eaten at all today, apart from an apple. I pushed myself to get out to walk the headland by 9.30 am got a coffee and came home and cleaned the place through top to bottom, did my ironing and cleaned our the fridge and sorted out the ‘mess’ that has been lying around since all of this shit hit the fan from the weekend..Things could go either way as this is a huge eclipse…and from what I know of ‘Scott’s’ astrology it is hitting him hard…..having a Capricorn Moon with Saturn in Cancer is very very tough emotionally, I have the Saturn Moon in Aquarius. Add to this Scott has Mercury retrograde in Scorpio and the internalisation Owen keeps talking about makes sense…. the truth will come out in time. My mind keeps swinging between the polarity of what seems to be true evidence and what just appears to be tactical manipulation and ‘spin’.

I listened to both Bryan Adams and Randy Crawford and cried my eyes out while cleaning through the house.. It rained during the night and things are so fresh but I left a pillow outside and it got saturated… glad to have a very sunny day today.. This latest drama seems to be catalysing all the pain as I head toward the 16th anniversary of Jonathan walking out.and a lot about my father’s distance is coming up for me… I miss and long for Dad but he was so often absent.. There is deep soul work going on. One thing I know now is to be less certain of life, life is very confusing and unpredictable at times… and then there are times when truth begins to shine through with amazing clarity.. I find bearing the pressure of all of this latest episode is changing me cellularly. My chest is often feeling like it has pins in it and its hard to breathe. I better go and eat…. its 12.30 now and not eating won’t be doing good things to my blood sugar levels.