Difficulty managing and articulating fear

It seems to me lately that fear lies behind a lot of our seemingly ‘irrational reactions in life.. Fears can be both global and deep rooted, some are legitimate and others just stop us from living, loving fully and embracing life.. Reading up on fear in Miriam Greenspan’s book on dark emotions is really helping me to place my life in perspective and some of my choices.. I see where the inability to embrace my fear actually made me run and miss golden opportunities….

In the chapter From Fear to Joy in her book, Greenspan tells of a workshop she ran on fear. A very anxious woman turned up to the event and asked her, “Are we going dwell on fear, or are we going to get rid of it?” When Miriam answered that she worked with people to befriend fear the woman ran away. According to Miriam this is just the problem in our culture, she argues, when we hide behind stoic or heroic defences we don’t get to feel our authentic genuine feelings, let alone come alive and embrace them to move through. We also reject and deny past experiences of fear that lie buried inside our fear. Or, alternatively, we are often so busy lashing out we are not in an open state to be present with our inner self, or even with others who are reacting in fear.

Today I cried over how fear has shrunk my life and opportunities at times.. I was not able to recognise nor articulate fears and I was encouraged to ‘be brave’ without a technique for how that might be or alternatively coddled in my non regenerative reactions.. I see it more clearly now.. Connecting with Scott has made me confront so many fears and choosing to be there with family the same…

There are justified fears that can teach us something and Greenspan addresses prophetic fears in her book that may act as intuitive warning.. Sometimes the danger is real.

There are basically six basic fears that are common to humans. Fear of death, isolation, pain, loss, vulnerability and chaos.. Such fears are a natural part of the human experience….and fear arises when we face the threat of loss or damage to our own bodies and self or those of loved ones.

In the end running from fear doesn’t really get us anywhere, if we have the courage to listen into fear, we just might learn something… If we find the courage to express fear others may move towards us rather than run away.

After posting this I contemplated the many times I actually DID hold my own hand to move through fear.. Having dental reconstruction, confronting the staff who were over drugging my sister, being there as my sister was dying and allowing myself to let her go.. so many time I actually DID face up to fear.. These days I feel the fear as it comes calling sometimes it does break me down in tears but sometimes that offers the impetus to move forward and as I embrace my TRUE FEELINGS even in the midst of abandonment depression I find myself coming more alive, more able to embrace and experience joy, love as well as a connection to the transcendent.