monstrous

in my belly

i hear the cry of ages past

there is also this fury

a tumult

you unleashed upon us

the following generations

it became

a wild sea

full of so many painful things

impossible to articulate

and it was the legacy of loss

you could not ever

find the words to speak of

that plagued us so

and so things flew

all around the room

while young hearts froze

and then they ran

so far from home

but monsters must

in the end be faced

for what turns most monstrous

is really just

all of this buried emotion

and our longing for love

to be seen

affirmed

and fully known

This was my victory and my battle. All my demons, all my monsters that I’d been carrying around forever, the light came through and I realised; Oh, your not demons. They’re not monsters. They’re not dragons. I’ve been making them more grandiose than they are. They’re just the orphaned parts of me. They’re just the fearful-est, most terrified parts of me. They are scared to death. And they are throwing temper tantrums because of their fear. And now I have to tell them that it’s going to be okay. And they will all go to sleep. I am the mother of all of these parts of me. At one point I remember in my ascending above them all and saying,

I love you, fear and now go to sleep. I love you anger, you’re part of me. Go to sleep. you’re safe. I love you. I’m not leaving you. You’re part of me, you’re part of the family. You’re never going to be away from me. I love you failure. Come into my heart. Rest. You’re so tired. You’re so scared. You’re just children. You don’t know how the world works. I love you all. I have space for all of you. And together, we’re going to go forward now. –

Elizabeth Gilbert