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Difficulty with conflict

I don’t find handling the anxiety of relational conflict very easy at all, with my abandonment issues.. I am getting a bit better at walking away when I am activated as other wise I tend to get completely overwhelmed, especially when the other person gets angry with me for feeling the way I do, without showing any interest why… I can tell myself its not good to cut things at that point but its the only way to soothe myself and prevent myself being drawn into, what is often someone else’s issue, just that sometimes I get confused as to why they act so hostile to my high sensitivity being triggered.

Just articulating this helps right now as I just had one of these altercations and I had spent all day trying to get myself back to the happy place I was in last night before he triggered me and I had a bad sleep….I didn’t want the rest of the afternoon to be ruined by an argument, but then part of me fears its my avoidant attachment…the truth is, lately I am coming to like my own company and know what things make me feel good so it was an instinctive thing I did a short while ago.. I don’t have to intellectualise my response as that is my Aquarian South Node default. I can just act from the instinctive part of me, but the fear comes up that if I distance or set a boundary I will be left all alone, when the truth is that this does not need to be forever…

Anyway its not much of a post but I am working through this relational stuff and working to hold the fears that are triggered so as not to be sucked in… I have had enough hurt in my life and people not understanding how I react, relationships surely should not have to be full of such fear…fear and love just aren’t complimentary and one seems to negate the other in my experience…

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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18 thoughts on “Difficulty with conflict”

  1. I relate to this post so much. I also have an avoidant attachment style, struggle with setting boundaries, and loathe conflict of any kind. I hope you start feeling better soon x

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      1. Miscommunication and misunderstandings are difficult to deal with. I am learning in therapy to speak up about how I feel and what I need. It’s not easy.

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  2. It’s good, that you’re, coming to know, your own, tendencies of interpreting others’ behaviors as being hostile, even when they’re, not, trying to be, now, all you have to do, is to, desensitize yourself, little by little, until, you’re, completely, unaffected, by how others, may, react, toward you, so, keep on working at it!

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      1. I understand completely, however it’s a sensitive world when we surround ourselves with sensitivity….be kind to YOU , your journey is YOURS and noone else will ever understand what you do…we all just need to have more compassion for that.

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    1. I am not collapsing it this time Carol Anne..You know me I so often give people the benefit of the doubt but this hurt me. When I tried to explain my feelings they were over ridden.. honestly touching in with myself this morning it hurt too much to be treated like this. I’ve spoken up not I’m going no contact unless there’s behaviour change or at least some awareness on their part. Your support means a lot to me Carol this gave me so much body pain over the past 36 hours..love you.šŸ’

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