find the love : when fear turns things dark

My brother called me back tonight..apparently I got the wrong end of the stick with regards to our inheritance… he is doing the best thing he knows to protect my sister and I and eventually slowly filter down funds, I felt a bit humbled after talking to him, getting myself into a lather at the weekend wasn’t a good thing and I now see it did make it worse than it needs to be out of fear.. I was glad last night to hear another excerpt of her book A Return To Love read by Marianne Williamson on You Tube, it reminded me of how much fear often has me in its icy grip… It starts in the morning when I get more obsessed by thoughts and body pains and then it can beat up on its own trajectory.. I love it when Scott tells me that ‘All is Well’ because it really is at times, its just that my innate tendency to worry strips me often of the joy of the simple present moment…and joy magnifies when we focus on gratitude as well as what is going right as well as staying more present in my body.

I just finished dinner and I plan to wash up soon and have a quiet night… I have a lot of fear going on inside of me this evening over something I cannot share a lot about here and I am seeing my tendency to project a negative outcome… it all comes from a past in which I did not feel safe at all, so its a self created thing.. maybe its good to finally get this lesson.. just possibly the only thing standing in my way at times is myself… I just would love to see a world in which empathy took precedence and kindness to our fellow man, but I am making some lovely new friends who have similar values lately so this year am in a far happier place than last. If I can just continue to get a handle on when things turn dark and arrest my fear drivem thinking in the bud, I know I will be able to find more peace and suffer less on a bodily level.