Can we hold our anxiety : some thoughts

It seems to me from my own struggles with anxiety that anxiety asks something of me.. I often have not responded to anxiety well… It has crippled me and I have been smashed up several times.. sometimes its my own inner self that can beat me up from the inside.. it happens when someone lets me down, .as happened yesterday with the gardener.. I had a tough day but today I see it in more perspective…when I was young no one held me and my mother was flying all around the shop driven by anxiety too, to the point I think all of us siblings absorbed some portion of it.

Today I don’t have the anxiety at all. I get the idea I have to move when I am in this state but I also have to listen extra carefully to my inner dialogue the last thing I need is NOT TO SELF CALM.. I found about 12 months ago when I started to answer ‘the fear monger’ with love, it calmed down somewhat..when I could act like a loving parent and sit that wounded anxious child who NEVER FELT GOOD ENOUGH on my knee metaphorically I could calm down. At first though, I may literally burst into tears as the tyrant raved on about what a waste of space I was.. this was an old part of me and not only me, I am sure this inner voice pursued my Mum too and I see it in my living sister who is now getting a handle on her own anxiety through diet and exercise as well at other ways… taking action… that said there is a time not to RUN AND AVOID but to sit still and self calm. Be with the self in love.

I am not a great believer in drugs as I believe often they steal our power and here I am not talking about certain medicines we may need like, say, for a heart condition or diabetic condition but rather the ones to change our bio/neurochemistry.. For me I use movement, self talk, chanting, music, poetry, reaching out, getting in touch with nature, positive others and self love.. all of these things are the things that calm my anxiety.. I also have to work extra hard to get a handle on the negative voices that tell me I am not good enough or capable enough.. this helpless self is very young and these voices do not speak the truth, never the less they overpowered me for so long…

Today I know we do have inner power.. We can also chose to get off ourselves at times when anxiety comes out of an excessive self focus… then things get global and we get sucked down into a negative spiral which only takes us away from life.. But life wants us to be in it.. to be reaching out and loving… so often my anxiety wants me to be unloving but I know I am far better off when I take anxiety gently by the hand and practice self calming.. no one else can do this for me, that said other positive calming energies around me do affect me..me are so often mirrors or amplifiers for each other of certain states of being and mind.