We are vulnerable : allowing rest, letting go and letting God.

The truth of humans is that we are both strong and vulnerable.. I actually think at times I wish we could be more honest or aware of how vulnerable we actually are.. I just got a comment on a Facebook post this weekend telling me to stay strong, I get it, I do. but I also think there is a time to break down and break open.. I know we have to weather this latest crisis however the loss of life is very sad as is the situation of grieving a partner and best friend and have to stay in isolation and be unable to be comforted at all by anyone. this is an extremely harsh situation to endure for the elderly….that is a story I just heard about one woman and it is reality for many.

Like everyone I get out and get my focus off the current situation of Corona Virus as it is not the entirety of life, is just yet another dark passage that we are going through, but the fact is that it is a powerful trigger for those of us who may have a deeper link to collective tragedy.. I am getting to the point where I don’t give a s*&^ anymore about people telling me I am focusing on the negative or shouldn’t be getting up set or not feeling it so as not to suffer… Really???

I am in no doubt at all that this is a massive wake up call..I think there are shadows lingering inside it of past traumas.. lately I have been hearing programmes and reading blogs by those who have some association to ancestral trauma, there have been examinations of experiences like the the plague and the Spanish flu and the huge obliteration of nearly half of the population during the times of the Irish famine, which similarly saw an event of mass migration to other countries, including one that is being hardest hit at the moment by this current virus… the United States…

One of the first and most powerful lectures I heard was given back in the 1990s by English astrologer, Liz Greene, it concerned ‘the curse of the Kennedys’ and was an exposition, using astrology and archetypes of the tragedy that dogged Joe Kennedy’s offspring… in the wake of his push to escape the poverty of his past and ensure the continuation of his power…some of you may know that John F Kennedy suffered in his physical body most acutely from Addison’s disease, at times it hurt him to stand and he had to appear with his back braced by a harsh corset, as we all know, in time his idealism was shot through with holes as he was taken down…a modern day Icarus, he flew too close to the Sun fuelled by the ambitions of his father and got burned in the process…. subsequent traumas to befall the other Kennedy descendants are well known.

The current passage of Pluto through Capricorn the sign of reality, earthly limits, grounding, natural cycles and humility is causing a sense of outrage at the huge disparities of wealth which see a multi-millionaire posting images of his self isolation on a yacht he paid 590 million for being rapidly removed from social media.. We are waking up to the fact that the pursuit of heroic or materialistic objectives when backed by an anxiety about our power to survive that is not balanced with a regard for the metaphorical ‘body of the mother’ will no longer be sustainable..

It is most certainly not wrong for us to have ideals and hope to make a better future for ourselves but when we sacrifice the interconnectedness and grounded aspect of the feminine we are then truly in trouble…

It seems to me that in the midst of this latest crisis the times I feel most at peace are when I drop the worries and concerns and the striving and just allow myself to rest.. Yesterday later in the morning I had the inspiration just to put myself back to bed for a while.. normally when I do this in the middle of the day I find it hard to settle as going to bed is often a trigger set point for all of my PTSD symptoms…. but when I got into bed I prayed to God as a mother and to my angels to hold me and I just repeated the words… “you are safe, its fine to rest, you are allowed to rest, you are safe” in time I drifted off to sleep after some of the spasming I endure as part of my trauma/anxiety condition subsided.. I slept maybe only for an hour and a half, then got up, made lunch and took Jasper to the park…for those few hours I was in peace..

I have just read a wonderful post that talks about this need to try to tap into joy and love and to find the way to rest and disconnect from the trauma and anxiety…It has reminded me of something essential..sometimes as humans we feel we have to be busy ‘doing’ something to prove or justify our existence..ever since I stopped work I was often subjected to bemused enquiries from others as to what I ‘did’ all day…now I am realising the times of greatest peace were for me those when I could just be… removed from all the business of life and float in some peace… so for now the reminders of my vulnerability show me its okay to rest and that I can even find strength within the midst of it all when I just ‘Let Go and Let God’, so for now that is what is and will be my ongoing practice.