Panicking when things get too messy

I had an incident with Jasper yesterday that showed me how much I panic at natural mess. I took him walking down by the lake and since there was no one much around in the wooded area we love near to the outlet I let him off the lead to chase ducks and he got himself into the water which was full of muck and other mess and then came out in a bit of a state.. I gave him a good talking to about it which, tbh, is hilarious in some way… as he was just doing what dogs too. Then I panicked when I got home and got him in the bath where I cleaned him off with the shower and some of my own shampoo…. I then locked him outside to dry off and had another panic attack.

This incident and my reaction just shows me how my Mum used to respond to me being in my body and making a natural mess. Mess was not allowed in our house, nor was being natural or full of lively energy and its something my older sister who died used to give Mum a hard time about.. As a perfectionist my Mum would hit the roof if things got messy.. My sister used to laugh about it and get angry if when Mum visited her in the care home she wanted to get rid of a vase of half dead flowers… I have seen my other sister who developed serious mental health issues also being shut down by my mother’s need for control at times… to the point where I believe she was unfairly labelled as ‘manic’ when she was just trying to come to life.

Poor old Jasper. At bed time I did apologise to him and give him an extra big cuddle. I wish I could be more relaxed about these things. At times I am too hard on myself and Jasper….. I would love not to freak out so much about something that in the end is not that important in the grand scheme of life.

And after posting this I recalled that growing up I used to love the story The Cat In The Hat.. where The Cat gets the kids having all kinds of fun while creating a huge mess and they start to panic as soon as their mother’s shoe is seen appearing around the corner.. Of course The Cat IN the Hat saves the day by cleaning it all up in time… But as kid that was one of my favourite stories.