Anger surges

I woke from a dream today in which I was trying to follow a man driving a more powerful car and as the road got increasingly steeper and steeper it was harder to move forward and soon the road began to turn over my head and I was about to capsize, then I woke up and I woke up really angry about a lot of things. The energy has blown off this afternoon.. I vented with someone who got where it was coming from and didn’t retaliate.. I then just took myself off to get some supplies….

Surprisingly this afternoon everything seems to be on fire with sunshine and love.. The early autumn is definitely one of my favourite seasons in my home town, I noticed the leaves are later in turning and as I sat having lunch with my sister outside under the shade of my huge tulip tree I was telling her that when this tree turns autumnal in shades of gold my thoughts always turn towards my older sister who died on 20 April in 2014, which was an Easter Sunday, in the early hours… I remember how my nephews gathered under the falling leaves of the tree just before we left for her funeral service and of how that represented a time of us coming together after so many years of separation which just shows the out of death new life or better connections can come.

I remember being so grateful to have my blog to share about my grief after Judith died, I had only be running the blog for 6 months prior to that I believe and I also remember listening over and over to a very powerful track by Eva Cassidy which came from one of the albums I inherited from Jude after she passed and listening to that song helped me to process the loss.

That sense of deep grief has passed now.. I lost my Mum three years later and my sister when through a very deep depression for the next two years but now we are connecting and sharing friendship we can talk of all of these things, we are no longer so distanced and isolated.

This afternoon I feel grateful even for the Corona Virus.. the shopping centre where our grocery store is was very quiet, most retail premises are shut apart from the food stores, kitchenware shop and bookshop… and there was an aura of peace around everywhere… I have been seeing Mums and Dads out with their kids and today on our walk to the oval we saw the lovely sight of a Dad teaching his toddler son to ride a small bike…

In Australia so far our death count is only 19 thanks to the measures our Prime Minister has implemented… I see people criticising him on Facebook but wonder how they would have coped in the reverse situation… and the inconvenience to us is minor if we haven’t lost jobs compared to what those in war torn countries undergo every day.

I wonder how others are faring.. I read posts in which people are expressing gratitude for the slow down…Nature seems to be benefiting… we truly are in heat of the Mars Saturn conjunction which becomes exact today.. there could be no more potent expression of Saturn in Aquarius than social distancing, and the element of air involves circulation and many have been taken away from circulating with each other….which could be kind of sad but in some way it brings a kind of peace with it too.

I am glad the earlier anger surges passed now….It wasn’t easy to go through the storm but it reminded me of how it was to grow up in a house often ruled by my mother’s whirlwinds and storms… Maybe I carried that energy deep inside of me.. and maybe it kept me running.. It occurred to me that in the dream I was better off not trying to keep up with the man whose car was more suited for precarious terrain than mine… Was it some kind of message from my unconscious or higher self? Its most certainly something to think about .. I find it hard to slow down at times and the current times seem to be demanding it..