What if darkness has a purpose?

There is something to be said for fronting up to the darkest moments of our lives, for facing into fear and self doubt, in digging deep to understand and embrace our insecurity and pain and in opening to the change that can come when old parts of us hurt in the dying or the burning up… We all know, if we mature, that illness and pain and struggle and suffering and death are a part of life.. parts of us may want to deny that truth, may want to run when the truth comes calling, may want to turn our faces away, and yet some part of us also knows there are certain things that in reality cannot be avoided.

When I think more about the Corona Virus and all the fears manifesting right now, the more human I see are all of the responses. Yes we want to laugh at our fellow man when they run around doing over the top things in the face of fear of death and yet, if we are honest, perhaps part of us knows its just one side of the human drama and may even be a part of us, even if we convince ourselves we are stronger or would not be as ridiculous as to act in this way.

I am a great believer that good can come out of bad and bad from good, its something many Buddhist teachings highlight and the truth is that on some level if we open, part of us can be cleansed through facing illness, darkness and fear. When I think more about the approaching Mars meeting with Pluto (it is 3 degrees off exact orb tonight and the Moon is joining it tonight) I think maybe this is what is happening for many of us collectively.

This week I have had my own encounters with facing the grief over both the loss of my father and mother, strange how these things come up in alignment with planetary transits, since I lost my own father on a very strong series of Pluto transits… I think at times of how much I ran from my own grief and sadness and confusion over that loss as well and about how it played out in relationships.. And this week when it came up between Chahir and I it has led to yet another disconnect but strangely I feel very much at peace with this tonight. I no longer feel the need to scramble for the love of someone and that, I believe is because over the past 20 or so years I have had to face my own darker feelings of abandonment and make some kind of peace with them.

I watch other people’s struggles to connect and find intimacy now with more compassion and awareness. I see where many of my own angry reactions came from and accept the wound that was there at the core. I love my wound now, I can be with it..I don’t need love from out there any more to compensate..and maybe I am able now to be, at last fully comfortable with being alone and fully accepting of the wound knowing it doesn’t have to be acted out any more but can be let go after being held in tenderness… All the time the heart I most needed tenderness and understanding from, was my own.

Illness can be a wound, dis-ease can be a wound, abandonment can be a wound, fear of death can be a wound, fear of facing our powerful feelings when confronted with those things the unpredictable Universe throws at us can be a challenge, and yet, in the end we come through and often we grow to understand that what lies on the other side of death is actually new life.. its a new way of feeling, being and living, not like the old and yet dependent upon the passing away of or decay of the old for its very genesis or regenerative birth….to ,e this represents the cycle of nature or life/death/rebirth, the cycle of the round of the Great Mother we once reverenced before the sky Gods came to cut us off from it.

Maybe this post wont resonate or find a lot of likes but it is my experience that life comes out of death and that death is so often not the end… I had a powerful experience today of once again being enveloped by the love of my two ‘mothers’, both my Mum and older sister now passed were with me today after that visit to the real estate agents telling me how much they love me, that even though they passed over their energy never died, just passed over into another form. I cried deeply as I experienced this spiritual awakening and felt so humbled and grateful.

I know as long as I live and even after I die, as part of them I will one day return to them, for such is life, my separateness from others only appears real in 3 D… I just wish as a culture we were not as in much fear of death as we are and yet if we were not we would not be human, but as we go through these tough times let us always remember that something always stands on the other side of darkness and requires its very existence for its own by contrast, because in the end life is all about polarity… it is not singular, but multiple and complex, as well as profoundly mysterious, paradoxical in it’s design and simple too…