difficult medicine

You left me all alone

For so long

There was no one home

Just an empty room

And metal key

Hung upon a rusty nail

Oh my God just to think of it

Nearly brings my heart undone

So if now when I think of the darkness that grew

And how not one single person

Saw or knew

The painful truth of what I was going through

Is it any wonder

That I run for cover

From the full force of your need

But all my running only takes me

Closer to myself

And I can no longer just put this suffering

Upon a shelf

Called ‘past’

For in truth I relived it every single day

In panic attacks that came

To rupture peace

Spiralling me down into a pool

Of ancestral karma so deep

I almost drowned

Within the agony of

Repressed memories

And yet

Am I not still alive

Didn’t part of me survive

As witness to it all

And yet for so long

All that could happen

Was the same pattern

Playing and replaying

Upon repeat

Because as long as I retreated from life

It was the haunting spectral ghost

That threatened to swallow me whole

But I am not meant for such a feast

Instead I prefer to swallow this whole

the difficult medicine

of remembering

of truth telling