Out of respect

My day started out so hopeful and happy but immediately crashed after leaving therapy I got a call from my nephew who never calls to say he had been told I wrote about his children in my blog today and did not want them exposed, so I took the blog down out of respect. Sadly the blog was about opening my heart and sensing synchronicities and sadness deep in our family and it didn’t make sense just excising the part about his children which was written in love and publishing the rest.

I cried a lot after taking it down. I cancelled plans to go for birthday lunch with my sister. I just feel who I am and what I feel isn’t wanted and I spoke to my nephew about how painful its been in the aftermath of Mum’s death not to feel safe or welcomed at our coast house and shut out. But the truth is that may not have been their intentions. I just wanted to ring the solicitor today and ask to be released from all the property aspects of the will. I am so tired of everything coming down to money and things. Its all so empty of feeling.

I am in a low if peaceful place today. I will be happy but sad to spend my birthday all alone, but there is a rally for Climate Change taking place tomorrow at Parliament House so I may go along to that instead. I feel its honouring my feelings just to be quiet. I am not going to share any perceptions about family members in my blog any more out of respect and we are on such drastically different wavelengths, may as well be living on a different planet. I will try and keep the format just about my own process. My nephew only has the interests of his children at heart and I respect that. Its more important than anything I have to say. I care for those kids very much and wish only for their happiness but sadly parents don’t always see what kids carry. Maybe it was just my perception but I sensed somethings but I am now sworn to silence by his request and out of respect and love I will stay silent.