Thick thick smoke began to blanket the entire town from late yesterday evening, it became hard to breathe again and the smell of distant fires hung heavy in the air. I managed to get to sleep around 12 pm only to awaken at 1 am to a very brief spattering of rain, I actually went out to stand in it. I got back to sleep after spiralling and spiralling only to awaken about 6 am almost unable to breathe or move. I was back in the car crash paralysis but it seemed to be manifesting with me drowning in smoke rather than my lungs drowning in the phlegm they were inundated by in the crash at 17. The air was dark and red and full of smoke and today I have been crying on the drive to the local shops to at least be with others and get some more supplies. I noticed my mood spiralled down as my friend I have been talking to has cut contact since I was in distress on New Years Day. Everything started to go very dark realising, too the state of our nation right now and looking at nature in such a dark state.
I want to stay in a positive place, I want to keep hoping that out of this burning new good seeds will be released and also in my own life, when I start to feel attacked I can lash out with a swear word, it seems worse than it is, though my reaction, when I give myself a hard time for it. I don’t know at times how to soften into love and trust a person is well meaning even if they do not chose their words well. I get triggered and then my demons roar, anyway it is what it is….Before saying the F word it would have been better to pull back, centre within and pause connecting with what was being stirred up, this would be a better use of Saturn Pluto energy.
Therapy starts again tomorrow but I am feeling tired at the prospect. I’m worried at not getting Jasper out for three days due to poor air quality. Its the worst it has been ever at the moment and trees are suffering from it. Rain has been forecast for the next few days. I have heard the fire conditions have eased on the east coast with temperature changes and a southerly change but the winds yesterday did not help the fires although now some fires are actually being contained.
What a start to the New Year! I am reaching out to connect with others at the moment, and old friend just returned a New Year’s call and it was so lovely to speak to her. We both got so busy last year we only spoke twice, this year I will make more of an effort. I know that at the moment keeping a positive attitude is necessary if I am not to spiral down into depression but Chahir cutting contact in the lead up to Dad’s anniversary on Wednesday hurts, but then relationships often break down at this time of year for me. Maybe I will never find someone to share my life with who accepts me fully, warts and all. Or that could just be negative thinking and just possibly things are really okay, even on my own…In the end it all depends on my attitude and making sure I keep in touch with the real feelings of sadness that often seem to be just so goddam powerful in my life and inner world.
Emerging From The Dark Night 
It saddens me greatly what is happening in our world. People do not realise it is their fault this is happening all the destructive dark energy energy they pull into the Earth, it is everyones fault, not just him or her down the road. The pains we feel those who can really feel are suffering along with our Mother Earth. This burning will stop soon and regrowth will begin but has this been enough to teach the immigrants a lesson. This would not have happened with the true care-takers of Australia the Aboriginals who live by Divine Laws. Their understanding of nature and life is far superior to those who invaded with their corrupt beliefs and ways.
If you are anxious about finding true love write a list of qualities you are looking for in a man. Then give it to Our Heavenly Father telling Him you can no longer cope with your life as it is give Him responsibilty for this or any other areas of your life you cannot deal with and let go, let your life unwind.
Sending you healing, hugs and soul love to carry you through. You are lucky to understand the ways of Mother Earth more than most.
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Beautiful, heartfelt advice ❤ and yes if we had let the original custodians of this land have their way none of this would be happening. I don't know if you know but there is a town called Tathra that did not burn and there they allowed indigenous peoples to take care of the bush, I saw a post about it on Facebook.
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Wow it really proves the point.
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Jasper will be all right without his walks many animals just understand more than we know, they are very accepting and being with you is more important trusting your decisions in what is best for you both.
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Thank you so much. He hasn’t actually seemed that keen to go out until after dinner so I just open the front door and let him out for a run or stroll around our neighbourhood trusting he knows what he needs. There is no need to keep making myself anxious. ❤
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No need at all.
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And animals are just so deeply connected. They are real teachers. But you know this even more than I. 🙂
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Oh I do not know.
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It terrifies me to see what’s happening with the fires. I’m in Perth so we’ve been lucky enough to have minimal damage. Hope you pull through and that every thing is ok xxx
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Thank you… I am in Canberra as you may know its just the outfall and I am feeling the sadness even so… the earth and animals are crying right now. Glad you guys have a reprieve over there. and yes fully understand your terror.
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Pray some much needed showers come soon…
And those parasites that are responsible for this act of cowardice be served with full extent of the Law.
And that Karma comes collect her bounty in full plus interest
Stay strong Mate
Slainte
Alex
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Hoping for rain tomorrow🌨🌧🌨
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Good to hear Mate
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And yet still people say this is natural. Not man made. Let’s pray for rain then new leadership then action.
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They say rain is on the way…and by God we need the later..
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It’s not natural it was reckless deliberate cowardice acts!!!
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