A peaceful Christmas

Well Jasper and I passed a peaceful, quiet Christmas, its 5.45 pm here on the East Coast of Australia and the day started with a sleep in until 8.30 then a call from my sister who arrived safely at the coast despite fires yesterday and had been awake since 3 am. We chatted for a while and then I made brekkie and called my dead sister’s youngest son, we hadn’t spoken since February so was lovely to catch up. I then got a lovely surprise call from my second cousin who is the one who did all the ancestral family history. We were able to talk through my struggles with being accepted by my brother’s family and the estrangement issues and it was such a source of happiness that she called. I didn’t eat lunch until very late just a simple plate of prawns with smoked salmon and avocado on pumpkin bread. I read a bit, watched my mini series and we just got back from a walk by the lake where it was lovely to sit watching families playing and children swimming. Oh and I received a call from one of my other nephews of my sister who passed. So all in all I am counting my blessings today and very grateful for the gifts of contact that today brought.

It made me realise that surviving Christmas alone is not a bad thing at all. I wrote a post earlier which I took down about how the spiritual teacher and medical intuitive, Caroline Myss says that in the tale of Jesus’ birth, Mary and Joseph couldn’t find any room at the inn, instead Christ was born in a manger. Caroline explains that that is a metaphor for Christ consciousness or the birth of love, wisdom and compassion, often it happens in a simple, stripped down or even painful place. It may also happen when our way is barred in certain directions and we have to find a place of peace and safety for the new birth of love to take place deep within the cave of our own heart.

We are now in the final week countdown of 2019. I am feeling that 2020 is going to be a far more connected year, the two 2s in that number speak to me of relationships, and I am praying that lessons learned this year into the heart of love as well as of suffering and disappointment and pain will lead on to good things next year. I felt all my loved ones who had passed so close to me after Julie called me this morning. I was telling her how I often feel the love my father could not express inside me now and of how I speak to him, she was saying that its a different kind of relationship we often develop with loved ones who pass, particularly with parents, often we come to learn and love them more or view them with more compassion after their deaths, coming to realisations we may not have been able to have before. No relationship truly ends with death, it only changes form.

Being treated with such harsh judgement by my other nephew this year has shown me how much judging others hurts. I took the earlier post down as it had some stuff about how my sister in law has hurt our family but in the end I realised it was her unresolved stuff with her own Mum that poisoned her relationship with my own Mum, both their egos clashed and it ended in a Mexican standoff for the final years of my mother’s life. One thing this year has shown me is that there are some people I don’t enjoy being around, those who carry bitterness, hatred or negativity. Its okay to feel upset or hurt but to intensify with an unrelenting malignant focus only makes our own hearts sick. Its just not a comfortable way for me to live any more. I can now set my boundaries and move on with love in my heart even if the other person is being a complete arsehole.