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Deep deep pain needs validation

I had a powerful realisation over the past 24 hours. I realised the deep deep pain and trauma I have suffered in my life, not only from the events but in the painful aftermath, where people scared or unable to cope or even accept the true reality treated me as if there was something wrong with me for ACTUALLY FEELING IT and then sidelined me in the process, often exiling me to an even deeper painful wilderness all alone with EVEN DEEPER PAIN.

I had to minimise it in that situation. I had to side with them in order to keep feeling I would be accepted while being EMOTIONALLY ABANDONED IN REALITY. It fucking hurt and it left a deep level of pain which came to a head yesterday after YET ANOTHER CALLOUS JUDGEMENTAL ATTACK ON ME. I got so angry yesterday again and that was good for me. Don’t let anyone tell you your justified anger at invalidation is wrong, it simply isn’t but sorry to be harsh some people are SWINE you would be best not putting your true feelings or pain anywhere near them, as for them it will be something they will use against you or shame you for. When you find one of these people ERECT YOUR WALLS that is all I can say, after you have opened your heart to the truth as painful and shattering as it is.

Validation is something abuse survivors and the emotionally neglected or abandoned need essentially for healing and it has to come from somewhere outside at some stage although as we progress the validation process internalises as we learn to no longer shame ourselves in ways we were unhealthily shamed. And if we have been through deep intense pain some people are JUST NOT SAFE for us to be around. We have to be wise to this, we have to KNOW HOW WE FEEL and we have to defect every single attempt they make to erase our reality. And some erasures will be subtle but powerful and we will feel them in our gut!! It is our reality, not theirs to judge, for unless they lived it they will never know what it is like to nearly die and them be given no place much to heal and to be treated as if are a leper for suffering, many suicide in this territory while being judged even for that!!

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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32 thoughts on “Deep deep pain needs validation”

  1. Deborah, I know exactly what you mean. That is happening to me right now and it stinks. But how do you tell if someone is going to be like that before you open your heart? It stinks. It really does.

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    1. I don’t think you can tell, Lorraine as I had he experience of thinking someone was going to understand and they shot me down in flames yesterday. I think in the end we don’t know until we know. That’s why I am learning its best to go slow in relationships. Its hard work though. So much of this word is shut down or numb.

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      2. I am seeing it more and more, Lorraine. I want less and less to do with most people to be honest.. never thought I would say this but its how I feel lately. Also I just thought of this saying from the bible “by their fruits you shall know them” that is actions speak louder than words. Sending love ❤

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      3. Gosh, that quote is so apt. And as for bloidy Christmas! They can keep it. People can die or be beat up or anything and no one cares. ❤️

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      11. To be honest I have lost faith. My mum died on November 16 – a dreadful death. Then yesterday my 50 year okd marriage that was full of abyse and lying, ended. But I am still having to be in the same house as him. Bloidy so called christians, priests erc dont care. Btherenis nowhere ti turn. We could die for all any of them care

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      17. I totally agree Deborah. Most people are out for themselves. There are the odd one or two who are different, but very hard to find. It didn’t used to be like this though. I wonder what happened to change things?

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    2. I am so sorry things are so hard for you right now… I wish there was something I could do to ease your suffering. All I have to offer is that people are dark and vile creatures. They do wicked and black-hearted things. Human beings tend to behave badly out of a complex mix of traumas and bad experiences. The most important thing to focus on right now is not allowing yourself to become the very thing that hurt you. The person who hurt you took advantage of you. They robbed you of your innocent, unassuming mind. They shot down your attempts to love them, and to feel loved yourself. But please, please don’t let their wickedness take away your faith in good things. Please don’t allow their lack of human decency to take away your smile. Obviously, for someone that vile to prey upon you, there must be a deep desire to do good for others inside your heart. Hurting and stealing and destroying is who THAT PERSON is. Love and kindness and light are who YOU ARE – you just don’t have the right people. I encourage you to fight for your own happiness and to see the seams of good in this not-so-perfect world… However small they might be. Don’t add your own hatred and sadness to that of the rest of the world. Don’t let the ones who hurt you win. Sending love, hope, and good vibes your way.

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  2. Tread carefully near those of a bad nature as they will return all feelings of kindness and love with something bad. They take the goodness and throw something very bad back. Giving these people a chance to take advantage of you in a weakened state they will blast you to smitherines. Take care the world has lifted the veil on evil and its minions for all to see they can no longer hide away the true will come out about who they really are. God and Jesus are my companions they are the ones I turn to for support. Bless You Always

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  3. This rings so true to me… The man who drowns in 6 inches of water and the man who drowns in 6 feet of water are BOTH DEAD. Stop invalidating people’s situations and struggles (INCLUDING YOUR OWN) just because “someone else has had it worse.” Sure, that may be true. But they are not someone else… A child doesn’t deserve to go thirsty now just because another child some where else is thirsty AND hungry.

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