Transmission resumed

Internet is finally up after a 5 day break. To be honest the initial frustration passed over not being able to blog as freely as I can when I can type my posts. I survived 5 days of typing a little on my mobile keypad and then I got into life or activities around my home that may get sidelined when I write. I adapted which is the best thing, rather than get stuck on what was not working.

Today I am noticing demands on my energies from others interfere with life at times. For example a friend asked me to go the movies two weeks ago then I think she forgot and then asked me for lunch only to cancel half an hour ago (not the movie but the lunch before) which in a way was a relief. I got out hoping to get some toiletries, shampoo, body wash etc from the local pharmacy only to find half of it closed for renovations, I got a bit steamed up about that and then my friend cancelled. Not one of these things is a major problem but I still found myself crying for some reason as I got home and started to make lunch so I can eat it before leaving for the movie at 12.15. I guess being in life means we just roll with things and adapt to the changes, I get a bit triggered when I lose things or things change without warning. The pharmacy shelves had been crammed into a small space and there were people in the way at one point I just held my ground at the shelf I was searching for things on even though I was in someone else’s way. God knows I HATE inconveniencing others and will put myself last but lately part of me is sick of this while it fights the part that would just rather give way for the sake of peace.

This Mercury retrograde has been an interesting one, I believe it goes direct on Wednesday and what is called the stationary direct period where is slows to turn around can be fraught with pent up feelings and anxiety at times as the Self tries to make its needs known. I have been dreaming a lot lately. I broke contact with ‘Scott’ again after he told me the woman who claims also to have been scammed is lying and that he now believes she and I are playing him. I got so angry yesterday I had to walk around the block and pressed a stick really hard into the gravel. I never was responsible for getting someone off their deployment. I was lonely after Mum died and he pulled me in, it caused me months and months of ongoing stress and trauma. If my money is gone now it is gone and I want to let go of the entire thing and be around what is real.

I have no idea who is lying and I am going to trust someone I have actually spoken to on the phone several times over someone who has only been able to connect with me via kik messenger or email. He still claims he is in a fraught situation and that the truth about everything cannot be revealed due to this until he gets off which requires more money I AM NOT SENDING. My metal oxen hooves are dug in big time right now. I have been fucked around enough. I was spitting chips today. I know my anger has a reason and I am doing my best to manage it without detonating anything of value. I have to go now and eat but I just wanted to post something about where I am. I no longer going to knock myself out over other’s people’s trials or agendas. Its just NOT MY STUFF!!