Now that over 18 months of being drawn in by a scammer is finally behind me I find myself within a new reality. I feel blessed for two new connections that have come into my life in the past few weeks..they are softening the blow of realising what a massive error in judgement I made. As I look back I sense how part of me deep down knew something was not right each and every time even MORE money was needed. But I am not alone in having sent nearly 2 dozen small transactions that over time mounted to a large sum. The truth is that all my money is lost.. He faked a bank account statement he sent to me in the early stages. (WHO ELSE DOES THIS?) and traded on this over and over saying all I sent was on loan and its a common tactic of scammers.
I need to put it behind me now. The deed is done and unlike last week I am no longer holding onto any vain hope. I made a big mistake and have to face reality fairly and squarely. But this has been a lesson in practicality and being more astute and savvy as well as trusting those little pulls thats say something is just not right.
I listened to a great programme today on radio on the subject of getting into the moment and out of our heads and our anxiety and trauma. It gave great tips for grounding and engaging the 5 senses. Look at 5 things you can see, listen for 4 things you can hear, touch 3 things and then taste two things….getting engaged in the now through action and walking or touching base with nature helps me find that place of calm and put me in a stronger place where I can let negative troubling thoughts go when they try to get a foothold.
I cannot beat myself up after past mistakes only use what happened for learning and if I don’t forgive myself the torture will drive me crazy. And crazy is a place I am happier staying away from at present. Thoughts drive feelings so monitoring how I’m thinking about what went down is critcal right now. I dont want to slide back right now into past pain, torture and negative thinking. I’d rather be peaceful and happy taking all the active steps possible to turn this around.
Emerging From The Dark Night 
I really think your getting into a better place over this awful thing.
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Thats what my therapist says but my inner child is pretty bereft. She doesn’t understand and obviously my adult self wasn’t showing up when I fell hard for everything he said. But i will survive despite that!
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Well done Deb… we must live in the present, that’s where our body is now, maybe pieces of our heart maybe damaged and some chunks are missing, but deep down, spiritually we are the same soul, and nothing can take away who we are, sometimes we’ll have to find a few misplace friendly spirits, ….. our soul holds us together……. here’s a big goodnight embrace for you (((Hugs))) xxx
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Yes nevertheless I guess a part of us lives out of time. Hoping for things reality denies us. That said Facing Up is the best way. Its one if my favourite night time songs by Washed Up. Hugs readily accepted. 💖
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Haha… yes parts of me are out time, in all sorts of strange places, but I keep walking… not sure where to, but I walk into every new day, knowing I’ve made it, and I’m there/here, wherever that be…. xx
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