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Wounded : today’s reflections

I had a conversation with my second nephew last night. It was a painful one because he has also been on the receiving end of nastiness from his older brother, the one who confronted me about the scam. I feel for my older nephew now, the one who confronted me. I see how alone he has felt and struggled too within the family disease. In the message he sent on Monday he said he feared for his mental health if he had anything to do with my issues, its perfectly understandable knowing how I struggle with in the family. I see things more objectively now.

I feel so so sad about giving money now to someone who is now trying to back his way out of all responsibility and guilt. Yes, I am still engaging with the scammer because I wanted to know how long he is going to try to play me for more money. Maybe I just should have completely cut it as I did twice in the past 10 days. I have turned off notifications for the app so they never disturb me and I just check what he has written every couple of days or so. Last night he was quoting me long portions of the bible on judgement.

My other nephew and I discussed last night how painful it is to be on the receiving end of judgement from someone. Judgement shuts the door on any possibility of making things right, of learning from past mistakes and I was listening yesterday also to an interesting talk on psychopathy by a woman who looks into the way we tend to project the concept of ‘evil’ onto others. She says it fundamentally represents a lazy way with things and stops us from empathising even with those who are so deeply flawed and wounded. We do not have to excuse such behaviour but if we can show compassion for it then it means we don’t have to get stuck in such black and white projections onto those who in struggling with difficult experiences probably resort to hurtful and negative ways to survive.

I am trying to hold my wounded self and my authentic self in a state of balance at present. It hurt to hear of the violence that at times has gone on between my older sister’s sons. I know our family is riddled with alcoholism and emotional neglect as well as that frantic striving to pull ourselves out of the mud ancestrally speaking. When my older nephew spoke of how he had ‘dragged himself up’ and managed to achieve and be responsible it really hit a wound in me. I worked for most of my adult life up until I was in my early 40s that was when I came back to Australia and had begun to hit all my buried issues in sobriety. I chose to focus on therapy and not working as I had seen the damage working too hard brought about in my family. But when I said this to my nephew I got a comment about being a ‘vortex’. My second nephew laughed at that and said he feels if anyone lives in a kind of vortex it is his older brother. I do not judge now, I feel the wounds and pain that lie beneath. I was the target for a lot of blame earlier in the week. I accept some of it. I have struggled to do the deep feeling work that is a legacy of that heritage but at times my buried emotions and fears of separation have ruled me. I am still trying to build up a positive ego strength.

Today I got guidance to read some chapters in Henry Cloud and John Townsend’s book on boundaries. The chapter I was directed to was about a man who struggled not to over give because he was never responded to emotionally in such a way as his needs we recognised or met in childhood being left alone to cry in his crib. Wow! How was it my guidance told me to read page 116 just like that and that what I read was so accurate to me? It was also about struggling when others set boundaries with us due to our own ‘needy’ self.

It is this self that I get in trouble with a lot and someone was sharing on the Awakened Empath page yesterday about how she often feels judged by the looks or reactions of others and then becomes overly emotional as a result of feeling rejected. Many who commented said she was actually projecting that maybe people were not judging her at all. That said if we were not responded to as a child and healthily or adequately mirrored we do carry those wounds into later life. Then we have a lot of work to do to build healthy boundaries within and without. Our woundings or empty spaces leave us vulnerable and we have major learnings then with how to get needs me in healthy as opposed to unhealthy ways. Maybe it was all for the best my older nephew set a boundary with me on Monday asking me not to contact him. Maybe its a painful part of my growth.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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22 thoughts on “Wounded : today’s reflections”

  1. Sorry to hear you are still engaging the scammer 😢 I hung on to a narcissist way too long. I feel your pain. It subsides in the long run once you let go. I’ve never been so happy. I got through it & you can too 🙏💕🌷

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    1. Yes, I am not sure why I am doing it. To be honest I don’t have as much of an emotional investment in it than I did at even this stage last week. I may be just biding my time until I cut him completely. I am very close to doing this. I really appreciate your comment and advice and encouragement.

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      1. It’s long and complicated. But the short story, for the First five years treated me like a queen. Then started the lying and the cheating and the breakups and the going back for about three years. He would beg me crying he would do anything for me. I finally realized the only way to save my sanity was to cut him off and not engage whatsoever. It has been almost 3 years and he has tried many times to contact me and I have not responded. In any way. I blocked his phone number but he is still able to leave a message. his texts go to a blocked box and I delete them without reading them. I loved him and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do but cutting him totally off was the only way he couldn’t get his foot in the door again. Nobody deserves to be lied to by someone who supposedly loves them. That is not love.

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      2. I am so sorry you endured all of that and for so long. ❤

        I can only imagine what a feat of endurance and strength it was to finally disconnect. So well done and I am sure happiness is the result. You are so right. Narcissists force us to fall for counterfeits of love and they lie all the time. Never own up. EVER!!

        Thanks so much for being so honest about it here. I know so many of us go through it.

        Much love
        Deborah

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    1. Yes but to be honest hes been so hurt too it was hard to get a word in. But thats okay because this second nephew doesnt judge weakness or vulnerability so harshly. Its sad but I have to accept he thinks contact with me will mess up his mental health!🙄

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      1. It’s good at least one of them is there for you, even though your other nephew has been hurt a lot, he really should have been more understanding well at least that is what I think, but I know if he’s been hurt it’s probably hard for him and he’s probably just looking after his own self

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      4. I would love to email you. Today my entire head feels so scrambled Carol Anne. I feel devastated by the results of my actions. I don’t know what else to say but if you send me your email address I will email you. ❤

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  3. Enjoyed this post very much, you seemed to have turned the energy around in taking control of your situation the fact you have not cut from the scammer completely but you are in control of how you interact. I see this as part of your healing.

    I find many people are not empaths they just play the drama for effect to get attention. I believe very few are empathic but sympathetic which is more detached.

    Things seem to be getting clearer all round with your family and I would say family curses are in place just simple phrases which bind you into thinking or believing a false image of yourself. Take care Blessings

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    1. That’s a very accurate perception. A guy called Mark Wolynn who works as a multi generational trauma therapist says we absorb core sentences due to past events often unspoken and the can be undone and energy given back to the ancestor.

      Thanks for.appreciating the validity of my process..and yes i agree with your observations about empathy and sympathy.

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