Posted on

Stay strong?

Sadly i let myself be pulled in today by Scotts email which I shared in an earlier post and took down. In it he says how deeply he loves me and will stop talking about money and do anything to not lose connection with me and will also oganise to get my funds back! But talking to the other person he and his accomplice (or alter ego – who knows which) used for a while tonight its even clearer how much I was and am still being played.

I need to keep strongly grounded in reality right now and keep the energetic door firmly closed. I fall back into romantic hope and delusion too easily. Had to call Lifeline again earlier in the evening as I was feeling suicidal and back in self hatred and blame. Its passed now but I was burning up before. Maybe that level of pain was necessary to finally ‘get’ the lesson.

Unknown's avatar

Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

Categories Uncategorized7 Comments

7 thoughts on “Stay strong?”

  1. So sorry Deborah. Just hugs hugs and more hugs. I had to call the suicide line last week too. About my marriage and his addictive lying. So I do know that awful, awful feeling. I understand your need for romance and live too. I really send you all the love in the world. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Certain people are so poisonous that they actually make US feel as if we are the ones with the issue, when nothing could be further from the truth. I simply had to cut the ties with people who did nothing but bring me down, because over time they led me to feel that very same hopelessness you were feeling.

    To closing that door, to moving on and to finding your peace of mind.

    Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. The big mistake i made Marc was falling for that email. I did post it yesterday but took it down but ill reinstate it. I see my kindness and deep desire to stay connected at such a painfullly lonely time drove this. I did nothing wrong but naively trust the untrustworthy. Scott often said it wasnt my fault that he was the one at fault so thinking over that maybe this scammer whoever he is is my spiritual teacher. That said I loathe what he has done to my heart soul and body but now I have to be very proactive to not let the toxic stuff affect my cell tissue as my body is in severe pain and stress right now.

      Thanks for your perceptive helpful comments and peace blessings. I really needed this this morning.
      💖

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Leave a comment