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And the scam unravels

Yes, followers, the truth is out. I was being scammed by someone I met on Tinder in April 2018 shortly after my mother died for over a year and a half. I am too deeply ashamed and embarrassed to tell how much money I have sent to him, which he kept promising to pay back or send back. That was all a ruse to keep me ‘hooked’ and sending more and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

I am pretty dam angry at myself right now and I am also aware that’s not good for me either but I just think I have been a naïve and gullible idiot too willing to believe in crazy romantic dreams of ‘twin souls’ and such like. That said this whole thing has taught me valuable lessons in life and I was able to call my brother today and be really vulnerable and tell him he was right to warn me just under a year ago and there have been countless others who tried to warn me, only to have me argue with them. I told my brother today its my defect of ARROGANCE that made me argue and magical thinking.

That said I am not going to hate the scammer or call him ‘evil’ when really he is just an agent of awakening in my life and he gave me these birth details for him which when I look at how the astrology affects my own I see him as an agent of change. So did he make up that birth date?

I got a message via Facebook a few weeks ago from the woman who was supposedly an ‘agent’ of the American military!! (yes, naïve gullible me believed this shit) and she told me she was concerned about me. They were using her account to filter the funds and then the back got wise to it. As soon as she found out I was trying to send more money in around July or August she organised to get it sent back to my account but it took until September for her to contact me and I was told by ‘Scott’ to block her which I didn’t do. Then last night she asked me how I was because when my good friend died back in September she was the one who was there on Facebook messaging me shortly after I got the news. Turns out her own mother died recently and she was groomed off Tinder too by someone with another identity who now is claiming to be in jail.

The entire story is just so convoluted and reminds me of a octopus with about 2,000 tentacles going every which way wrapping and shooting its toxic poison into me and the affect of all of this on my body has been that my hair has shrunk to an third of its length on the right hand side due to the twisting while I have had lumps on my head from the gut issues and the surges of energy I get when this ‘Scott’ textsme.

I managed to sleep last night somehow after all of this, though I woke completely drenched in sweat at 2.30 am after finally settling down around 12 am, I was so completely soaked I had to take my top off and move to the other side of my bed as the side I sleep in was so so wet. I managed to get back to sleep but getting going today was so hard. I managed it between bouts of crying and punching and stretching and lying in the sun on the warm drive cuddling or being protected by Jasper.

This triggers the early morning messages I would always get from ‘Scott” “How y’all doing this morning? And how is Jasper?” He actually sent a photo back to me last year that I sent to him of Jasper and I with a love heart around it saying the words “My family’ and the words : “I can’t want to be with you both to cook and clean and dance together” playing into my dream or ‘illusion of the happy family I long for but have never known. (Lots of tears writing this and my tummy is griping!!)

Did I do anything ‘wrong’ by trusting this guy and all of his lies? Is it I who am at fault for my wounded child who longed for this but was not adult enough to cut and see through it? Can I be kind to myself as a flawed imperfect human with a big heart who was willing to help someone who seemed to be in ‘trouble’? Was his imaginary ‘trapped’ state all a reflection of my own in some way? Was it all about transference? Or is this all just abut growing up and having stronger Saturnian boundaries when I am such a woolly ungrounded Neptunian at times, full of romantic dreams.

Most certainly there are learnings here. I will also not ‘block Scott’ at this point. I am willing to give love to the scammer and not cut him off. It may seem stupid or bizarre to anyone else apart from my therapist who I just spoke to and agrees. Somehow I chose to see this person as an agent of change and awakening for me (Uranus transit in square to Moon Mars Saturn and trine to natal Pluto in the first house.) I have lost a deal of money and I am very lucky not to have been left destitute as many ‘victims’ are. I will find the courage to cut off when needs be.

And one other GOOD THING all of this is making me connect back with my family who I felt so estranged from over so many years. I just had the best talk to my second oldest nephew, of my older sister who died about all that happened in our family on the back of telling him all I had gone through with Scott due to the isolation of my past. I got to cry over how the trauma with my sister disconnected us and I got to share how much seeing that picture of Jasper and I with a love heart around it made me feel. James reckons ‘Scott’ is evil to do what he has. He said to me ‘compassion is wasted on those types of people.” Maybe he is right. Maybe I need to take a harder line. Maybe I need firmer boundaries. I will keep an open mind for now as I let the trauma of the past 18 months flood through me and learn the lessons I need to become more wise, grounded and savvy, while dealing with where and how my twins fears of engulfment and abandonment trigger me to unfruitful actions.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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31 thoughts on “And the scam unravels”

  2. I’m so sorry Deborah that this has happened to you. Your devastation must be immense. We both know that the pain will pass in time, but for now it is almost unbearable. I am so very very sorry. Look after yourself Deborah. Keep cuddling Jasper. This too will pass. Much much love to you ❤️❤️❤️

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  3. Oh hunny, I am so, so sorry this has happened. I am here if you need to talk. Just know you are amazing. This only happened because you are so good and wanted to see the good in people 🖤♥️🖤♥️

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    1. Thanks so much. I am so confused as he his telling me something else. I just cant send any more money but I wont block whoever this person is. I just cant. Maybe it was all a life lesson. HE WAS SO REAL TO ME. SO SO REAL. XOX

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  4. I am so sorry to hear this, I hope you can find it in yourself to put yourself first and look after you right now. Yes he will deny it and make up some more convoluted stories but he has shown you who he is and now it’s time to look after you. As Maya Angelou said ‘when someone shows you who they are , believe them ‘. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You see good in all people, that’s a gift. He is the one who should feel ashamed and embarrassed.

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    1. Thank you. I am so lucky to have a beautiful niece in law who said very similar things to me yesterday. Truth us I have a goid heart andctry to see the best in others…so I trusted. That makes me strong but next time I need firmer boundaries of loving self protection. My childhood neglect left me vulnerable. And thats not my fault. Much as I blame myself. Much love to you. 💖

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      1. Yes you are very strong and this will pass in time. I know the vulnerability you speak of. Have you listened to Clarissa Pinkola Estes ‘the unmothered child’ , it talks of this vulnerability and strength, I would recommend it. It helped me understand that black aching hole within me that wants love sometimes against my better judgement. It explains the great gifts, intuition and sensitivity that comes with it too. Take care braveheart 💗

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      2. I find her amazing and its that the one on the stone child? She really explains how early deprivation and getting your instinctual responses cut off at the root adds to that hole inside. I must listen to it again. Thanks so much for the reminder. ❤

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      3. Yes it’s the one about the stone child, it helps me at times to listen and listen again to it’s profound message, may it help you to bring you the peace that you need. Be gentle with you 🙂

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  7. I’m sorry this happened Deborah. I know I’m probably going to make you angry with this, but I’m saying it because I care. Remember I told you the same thing happened to me? Well, I continued being pushed and pulled in all different directions until I cut that person off completely. There’s nothing to be gained from not blocking him. It will just cause you more heartache, confusion, etc. You need to heal, and I don’t think that staying connected to “him” will help with that. Sending hugs.

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    1. Rayne how could you think that it would make me angry for you to say this? Not at all. If I am angry at anyone its at myself for believing but its about my inner child so the work is for me. I appreciate you being honest with me from the very start. I just kept trusting because my belief in goodness was too strong. Ill cut him when I find the courage and that decision is mine though I very much appreciate your care and concern. Much love to you.

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    2. Rayne I did appreciate you trying to help me with this earlier. Sadly I stayed in denial for too long even though my gut was saying it wasn’t right. I took the post down midweek and you may not have seem my reply. I could NEVER be angry with you. Thanks for your love and support Much love Deborah

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  8. I got taken for a ride for about 9 months by a Facebook “friend” of two years who claimed she had cancer. She begged for her life. My girlfriend and I both went all-in and sent her all of our money. It turned into a complicated relationship of sorts. Everyone on FB tried to warn me but I defended her.

    When the truth finally came out in mid-2014, I was devastated. I felt stupid, weak, gullible, easy, and more. We lost over $30,000 during that time, which oddly enough was the easy part. The hard part was that it destroyed my life as I knew it. I lost my apartment, my job, one of my cats, all of my music gear, and the majority of my friendships.

    Everyone saw it happen. I started getting “I told you so” messages, as well as some death threats from people who sent her a few bucks. They didn’t know or believe what happened to me, and didn’t care.

    It took five years for me to recover from this. During this journey I learned that I am with High-Functioning Autism, which is what lets me drop all boundaries and let people in if they claim to be a friend.

    In looking back, one thing I remember was feeling so confident about myself that I was too smart to fall for any type of scam. But intelligence has nothing to do with emotional manipulation.

    Just as I was in a weak emotional place when she begged for help, you may have been in a similar emotional state. I also remember not listening to anyone who made arguments. Some of those arguments were also off-point or even bad, which made my connection with the scammer even stronger.

    The one big difference between us is that my scammer’s true self and motives were uncovered just over 5 years ago. Yours is still fresh.

    I’m posting here for two reasons. One is to let you know that recovery from all of this is possible. Therapy helped a great deal, as did the handful of true friends who saw what was going on and understood that I wasn’t “in on it” as many claimed.

    The other reason is to let you know that activities like setting strong boundaries [and respecting them!] and not excusing or dismissing red flags is something you can do right now. Over time, you’ll build confidence and learn how to trust yourself. I lost all trust in my ability to identify good or bad people, and it lead me into an extreme case of isolation and agouraphobia.

    To everyone else, be careful of what you put on Facebook and who you add. I added my cancer scammer to my friends list because she was referred to me by another friend, who was a friend of someone who was a friend, who was a friend. That chain is risky. And be careful of what you tell about yourself. My cancer scammer spent two years studying me and learning how to manipulate and control me.

    Finally, to answer the question of what happened to her, essentially nothing. At least, at first. She was never arrested and I never got my money back. Nobody did, and she scammed a lot of people. She was addicted to opioids and lived in Tennessee.

    I returned to Facebook after abandoning ALL social networking for five years in April of 2019. In early June 2019 I got word that she had died. They did not list the cause of death, so I think it would be safe to say that it was a drug overdose. I cannot help but think that the $30,000 she scammed out of me played a role in her ultimate demise.

    What goes around comes around, I guess.

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    1. Thank you foe sharing such a deeply painful and devastating experience here. I so relate to the boundary issue. This person is still claiming he is real and I keep blocking and unblocking him.
      Its painful to hear you lost as much as you did and that she played on a cancer story. Like me you are kind but we can be gullible to a world that is full of manipulative people.

      Im so glad yoy got the right help. Are you feeling much stronger now. Have you learned trust through stronger heslthier boundaries? My vulnerability and loneliness set me up for this. As my Mum had recentky died.
      Sending you positive thoughts with a big Thank You for reaching out.

      All the very best
      Deborah

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      1. Thank you for responding. I hope my story was helpful. I can still vividly remember how difficult all of it was, and how hopeless it felt.

        I do feel much stronger now, and I owe it to my boundaries and respect for red flags. I view those things as tools that serve as a strong defense, so long as I use and respect them. That is what gives me the confidence to leave home and interact with others.

        Eventually, I had to realize that not everyone is like that cancer scammer. I had to remember all of the others with whom I’ve interacted where there was nothing like this.

        Vulnerabilities, and loneliness is one of those, can set us up for the picking. I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, and understand how devastating that can be. It is times like these where you really need to lean on the trusted people who have proven themselves to you in life.

        Loneliness is a very difficult sensation. I felt it, especially after leaving social networking and staying home for five years. Therapy, reading writings of the Stoics, and occasional interaction with trusted people got me out of the pit. Before long, the loneliness went away and I was fine with being alone.

        Being alone with yourself and your own thoughts, especially after something like this, can be the scariest thing that you do. It’s also the best thing to do.

        I would say that the new relationship with this guy is very, very risky at this time. Do you keep him on? Do you get rid of him?

        How about splitting the difference? This will still be difficult. Let him know that you need time for yourself to cope with what has happened. Then let him know that when you are ready and back on track, you will let him know. If he won’t leave you alone, then apologize in advance for blocking him and let him know that you are serious.

        There’s the test. If he cares about you, then he will respect this boundary. If he does not, then you have your answer.

        Should you ever have any questions related to coping with the aftermath of something this horrible, please feel free to contact me and ask away! I’ll be glad to give it my best shot. At the very least, it could provide a stable platform for jumping off with a therapist, which I also recommend.

        Best of luck.
        Dan

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      2. I told him recently its far too much for me.. . I ended up blocking him again today. There is still a doubt in my mind he may be real which makes it very hard but I am finding it hard to cope with and believe in him, so. I told him if its meant to be I hope he turns up on my doorstep one day and proves he is real but I am not prepared to risk any more money. Its still heartbreaking as I truly love him.

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      3. He really shouldn’t be asking you for money, or anything. You need support. If he needs money, then he should be asking family or someone he knows better. I hope that you won’t give him any more money. The whole thing sounds way too familiar for me. He’s an adult who can figure it out. You need supportive people and not those who are requiring support. I remember how much I truly loved my cancer scammer.

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