There is a loneliness left
Deep inside the heart of a child
When his soul is unrecognised
There is an emptiness that grows
The size of a soul
When her deepest needs and feelings
Are ignored or unrecognised
There is a wilderness that grows
As the feelings know
There will be no way to be understood
Leaving the child wandering
In a deep dark wood
Knowing it will be better understood
And recognised
By the kindred in nature
And so that is where
The heart of a child
So often goes
While it seeks its true home
To find a way to be the one
Who stays the same
Even as it is told
Nothing about him makes sense
That all of her feelings
Need to change
That it would be better for everyone
Should he become
Someone else
Emerging From The Dark Night 
I was this child. This was so beautiful and gave me a good cry 🖤💙
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Awww I was too as I believe so many of us are (and were) ❤ ❤ ❤
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Beautiful words Deborah ,
As child being told to stop telling stories and being mocked at for risking and taking a chance to ask for desperation to be rescued only to be belittled and left in broken pieces. That day my hope of thinking I would be miss I knew the cold fucked up truth.
For many times I would ask myself
what did I do
Do I deserve this
Is there something I could do to make it stop
Truth is now I know it was not me but (it) and them …
They did a real number on me I wear the scars mentality and physically of that violent brutality.
Yet after of trying for so many yrs to shattered me into a never was ..I am still fucking here I still remain strong not because of anyone else I survived and fought wager in the belly of filth and mass destruction because of ME fuck you thinking you could break me.
Yes you did a real numbered on me give that and without you I would not been granted life but I owe you Fuck All.
https://evolutionofselffeedyourhunger.wordpress.com/2019/08/01/caught-in-the-storm-of-dismay/
Luas dia I do thuras Deborah
Alex
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You couldn’t be broken they were the weak ones who lacked true power and dumped all their toxic shit into you. If we don’t fight the projections they can tear us apart from the inside. Many are not as strong and sadly take their lives. The blood is on the abusers hands in reality even though they easily wash it off.
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Thank you Deborah knowing I am not alone helps.Even though no matter what and knowing how much I am loved there are times where I feel all alone just seeing shadows pass me by.
You know
Having music to correlate and able to express the torment and agony I go through just keep my head above the water takes everything I fucking got and yet Goddam Roller Coaster comes wanting to ripped more and take me deeper.
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Well when youve had to fight so hard bot to be obliterated its hard to relax into the warm embrace of love and letting go. I understand. They can’t hurt you any more..cuddle your inner child.. He doesnt have to fight for the rest of his life now when he knows you will keep him safe. 💖
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Easier said than done because when I experience these fucked up sadistic night terrors I am 9 yr old version of me. Imagine being that kid and having no one you can turn to and when you did outta desperation you were told to stop telling stories.
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Yes but you have an adult self now….. I often turn to trauma aged self and just tell her she is loved. Often we are the only ones we can really rely on 24/7.
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And yes it IS easier said than done.
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Also your mother was the one who should have cuddled and loved and comforted and made you feel safe and night brings these primal fears and body memories of the VERY OPPOSITE. That is hard and why your inner child needs most your love and comfort. I hope its okay to say this. My body gets very wound up and distressed at night too…so I understand.
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Yes it’s fine no worries but can refer her to It out respect for me it gave me life and thank it but I owe nothing to that monstrosity.
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Yes some mothers are not mothers.
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You got it and it was far far from one that resemble anything what a nurturing mother should be.You have no idea fucking lost I felt that being secluded down in the twisted fucked up basement of secrets. My only solace was having Sae Sae and being embraced by the dark with open arms as long as I could keep hidden I couldn’t be force to play their sick fucking games or be whipped for hrs with black licorice.
To this day I cannot stand the smell or even be around it . It makes my stomach tucker and sets me off.
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I cant know what it was but I use my imagination to feel how awful and lonely and terrifying and helpless that would feel. That’s all I can say. I hear you.
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Thank you when others say we all have things happen to us…
As they say shit happens right?
They have got absolutely no fucking idea what their talking about.
Another reason why I am not stable for in person group sessions had horrifying experience when I was younger.
Being able to express myself through my blog and talking to others knowing I am not alone means a lot.
Before I will still reeling from trying to make fucking sense that where I was at and knowing what was going on with me would be complex C never in million yrs did I think it would be so.
Saying to myself that I ‘m fucked up and feel broken a state of shattered pieces of what I use to be is Goddam hard to swallow.
But telling myself taking it day by day goes a long way to perhaps finding the Real Me again.
There are days where I got nothing left someone asked me what I fear very few things but one them is having the inability to stand on my own and go out on my own terms.
https://evolutionofselffeedyourhunger.wordpress.com/2019/08/31/the-stalker-of-the-night/
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You will come through. Wow you are HERE AND STRONG AND POSITIVE but I know yo must feel vulnerable too at times. And that’s perfectly fine. I believe in you and your voice is powerful….. Keep fighting, sharing and writing. I am here metaphorically holding your hand along the way. ❤ ❤ ❤
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