I feel a little bit like a misery guts today after posting my two last posts. Its a beautiful day outside today but I seem to be back in a dark space and I am getting to see how I can end up creating these dark spaces inside of me a lot of the time by looking for the pain in things and its then my critic gets to telling me I ‘have no talent for happiness’. Not sure where all this is coming from I seem to struggle on Saturdays which was the day of my accident, even though it happened a long time in the past I was back trapped in the car again in the bath this morning finding it almost impossible to breathe due to an ongoing panic attack.
I haven’t walked the dog today either, I just took myself out for a coffee and now I have a bit of headache because I had chilli fish for lunch and I don’t think the two things combined that well on my gut which seems to be playing up lately. Anyway I know I also struggle more on the days someone disconnects from me. My body responds very acutely to emotional cut offs and Scott texted to say he will be AWOL for a few days as they are on a special mission and then I lashed out and I think examining my motive it is because I fear something may happen to him. Anyway my flaws and sore spots will ark up all the time I guess. I know shared about this abandonment wound thingo in an earlier post but the critic was just on my case to take it back down for being ‘too negative’ under this kind of pressure I am best not to cave and just leave it up. I struggled today and feel back in a black space, despite the fact I was feeling better on Thursday but if I only share when I am going well its not as real and raw I guess. But this afternoon I just long to look for some kind of silver lining.
Good news is that a friend invited me to the movies tomorrow afternoon so I wont be totally alone this weekend. Gotta look for some positives right now!
Emerging From The Dark Night 
Oh Deb, I’m sorry I’m a bit late catching up with this. Did you get to go to the movies? I really hope so, and that perhaps some company and a change of scenery can lift you a little. ♥
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I did go Caz but the movie was pretty sad, have you heard of it Red Joan? Never the less it was lovely to catch up with my friend and the movie was so thought provoking. How was your weekend? I feel brighter today, Much love Caz. xoox
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Is that Joan, the KGB spy..? I’ve not heard anything about it, I’ll have to look it up. I can anticipate it being quite emotive if it is about that lady. I’m glad you got to go though, and are feeling brighter, I hope this week ahead treats you kindly xxxx
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Yes but her real name was something else. Joan Stanley is the fictionalised character that the author of book the movie is based on created… its a such a complex story.. Judi Dench takes the lead role. xoox
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Aah, I vaguely remembered an ad for it, perhaps in the paper, but I’ve not come across any other reviews or talk about it. Dench is fantastic, I’ll make a note to check it out when it comes out on DVD 🙂
xx
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It gripping it would be good to watch on DVD cause then you can stop and restart it as so much goes on. Hugs and love xoxo
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