Seeking and finding peace joy and happines

I think all change starts with a recognition or an active choice. We cannot change a pattern of being too hard on ourselves by not recognising at first that we ARE being hard on ourselves. It may not be easy to see how painful it is to be hard and down on ourselves until we do some work with making those disparaging or dismissing voices conscious. I just met up with a friend who suffered anxiety and depression and found healing by cutting out the negative influences in her life, like me she said she struggled to block out actively negative people but she shared with me that once she decided to do it she ended up feeling a lot better for it.

I often think that what we attract possibly mirrors what we say to or believe about ourselves deep down inside. Once we know we are not TO BLAME for those things we were led to believe we were, we are far better off. Once we stop seeking so hard for external validation and learn how to actively validate and self parent we are far better off because even the best ever friend will let us down or not be able to be there for us all of the time.

I thought today about the post I wrote about my sister yesterday and how sad it was when she left home, but then I thought, that was her path. I would have loved to feel her love but for some reason it was hard for her to express it to me in the way I longed for though lately when we have been able to have quiet times together I have felt something like love, I just know she is in a very very dark place at the moment and so has very little to give to anyone at all really.

I am going to work on doing those things that bring me more peace and joy in my life now. I cannot take the darkness and despair of depression any more. There is a life out there to live and so many things of beauty to enjoy, I do find it hard to connect with people in my home town, its not just me as my cleaner moved here recently and he said he finds most people not as open to friendship as in his own country. That said I am sure there are good people out there it is just a matter of finding a way to connect with them somehow.

I think so much of our life depends in the end upon the choices me make. Even if we were taught it was selfish to seek for our own happiness we don’t really need to listen to those voices or lectures, how can we spread any sunshine in this life if we are not in a good and nurturing and comforting place inside ourselves? The truth is we cannot. If we always listen to the negative voices inside and never answer back with love how can we spread a message of love and peace and hope?

Surely it can be a dark time in lots of ways but there is also a lot of good stuff happening out there and the truth is the more we seek the dark or the depressing in life, the more of it we find. For this reason I find watching a lot of television or even modern movies isn’t as fulfilling in recent times. When programme concentrate always on the dark side of life, on killing, or violence or negative themes which lead only to more of the same instead of an awakening or redemption watching this kind of thing can really bring us down.

Surely bad things happen in life but are we not here also for this brief time to experience joy and love and acceptance and wisdom and peace too? Much depends upon the attitude we take to life that is what I am seeing now. We can choose to look for the silver lining without being deluded idiots….we can choose to nurture feelings of love, hope and forgiveness no matter what pain we have suffered in life, but we can also chose to shut the door on negative energy and practice good self care. We don’t have to make a big song and dance about we can just do it calmly and quietly. But if we want to sing and dance, too well my belief is … JUST GO FOR IT. This world could sure do with more singing and dancing.