Drawing comfort from our dark spaces

The dark or uncomfortable spaces within us can be sources of great healing and learning and even creativity. We all have gone through experiences which scarred or hurt us deeply, we all have qualities that exist in both the positive and negative shadows of ourselves that we may not have had a lot of experience with our chance to draw out of and us. These issues are some of what therapist David Richo deals with in his book Shadow Dance : Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side.

There is a potential for wholeness within each of us and embracing it may involve we look at those parts of us that hurt or may not seem to be much help to us, for example the inner critic. Apparently on the path of healing trauma and Complex PTSD dealing with the power of both the inner and outer critic is an essential part of healing. We can become more aware of the negative or limiting voices or beliefs we absorbed from parents, school, culture or peers when we start to listen to those things we tell ourselves that provide discouragement, rather than encouragement. We all have a form of this voice but for those of us who were rejected or scapegoated it may have become even stronger, in a culture which venerates strength, power, absolute conviction and moral certainty it can be hard to admit how vulnerable, lacking in power and confused or open to dualties we really are and it is actually I believe a strength for us to be able to enter into a dialogue with what Carl Jung called ‘the opposites’ that each and every human being encounters or experiences at some time in his or her life.

I thought today I would share some of the techniques Richo recommends in dealing with our internalised negative voices as well as some of his other insights into the path work of dealing with our shadow selves.

Make the inner negative voices explicit by speaking their words aloud and you will be less likely to act on them. Speak in the second person (as you first heard them) and then reverse them and resolve to act as if that opposite were true of you in the future.

When you hear the inner critic admonishing, reproaching, inhibiting or shaming you, do not try to silence it. Instead use active imagination to open a dialogue between the critic and another voice that exists inside of you, a kindly uncle or aunt or the nurturant parent or the best friend. Let tis supportive voice that you recall from your past or that youu are aware of from life experience respond to the critic within. Let this voice defend you, stand up for you, be your advocate. This is your assisting force that gives a self empowering answer to your inner afflicting voice. Since we contain all the opposites, we have both voices within ourselves equally. It is only a matter of letting the kindly voice be heard and letting it gain ascendency. Shamans in trance became possessed by spirits of dead ancestors who spoke words of comfort and advice through them. There is a long human history of access to healing voices within. Notice how one line of The Time of the Ancient Mariner changes to another : “A thousand slimy things lived on and so did I” becomes “Sure my kind saint took pity on me and I blessed him.”

Persevere in confronting and questioning ingrained beliefs every time they arise. Access an alternative voice of power. That is how their stranglehold finally weakens. What are the images and belief responsible for my present self limitation? What are the thoughts on which I become fixated? They are not accurate assessments but outdated flotsam holding down the ship. Fixation is staying too long; regression is going back too far. Where do I stand?

In moments of despair, you may be a person who occasionally says to yourself: “Well I can always kill myself!” Make a commitment right now that that is no longer an option for you. You are committed to a lifelong looking for a solution to whatever distresses you. You will not choose self destruction as your way out honour this belief : I will honour my predicament by working things out. I have it within me to handle whatever comes my way.” Now you are an assisting force to yourself. That is what empowers you to handle whatever voices say or life brings to you. The predicament itself is an assisting force we can lean on, rather than be crushed under. “Life is or has meaning and meaninglessness. I cherish the anxious hope that meaning will preponderate and win the battle,” says Jung.

At times of dark despair or depression, sit with the disturbing feelings with no attempt to dismiss them. Pay attention in a cradling way to the dismal spaces in yourself. Visit these dim and uninviting deserts with curiosity and compassion. Let yourself feel as bad as you feel and stay with yourself in a nonabandoning way. You will notice that something shifts, after a while, all by itself. Your lively creative energy will appear in an effortless way. When you simply remain faithful to your own reality, you evoke the creative forces within yourself that lie just below the lunar surface of you psyche.

What has been disregarded, repressed, forgotten, or hidden holds and holds down our most creative powers. That power has a force that upsets and cuts through our tragic flaw of limiting ourselves. With creativity we can release and redirect the derailed energy. An immense lively energy lies in the dark spaces, the gaps, the uncertainties, the imponderables, the enigmas that open between beliefs and habits.

David Richo

Shadow Dance : Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side