Depression and trauma and social anxiety scramble our brains

I just had a lovely conversation with my living sister’s son this afternoon. I had not been brave enough to contact him much since he and his family moved back here and I know he is very busy with his job. I have also been worried about my sister and sometimes sharing worry can mean you feel not as alone, now that Mum is gone its nice to be able to just connect with some family just to have some reassurance. But part of our conversation was about the impact of trauma and anxiety and depression on the brain, and Ryan pointed out how melancholy depression can sometimes scramble us. I know if I get too stuck in my own thinking a lot of the time it is not always positive. Spending a lot of time alone I really need to make sure I get up and get out of the house and am active and engaged. I don’t mean that we run away from being where we are, but often when what we have been through in the past has involved trauma, abuse or neglect staying all alone in it all alone only makes things worse and then when people try to draw us into engagement they may be met with resistances. To my mind some resistance to things is to be honoured but much of it, if it comes purely out of unfounded fear is not helpful.

Lately with my sister I have tried to just be present with her but at times it is so hard. The energy seems very stuck and silent, I am sure there is a lot of emotion going on underneath the surface but there is also not a lot of movement either. I think there is something about the spirit that needs to move, that seeks our places of light and life and energy. I just saw something go down at the oval when I took Jasper out for his walk. There is a super friendly Blue Heeler that comes to the oval that the owner keeps off the lead, it runs up to people and today it came up to where I was sitting and gave me a kiss bang on the cheek, however there were also another couple there with a golden retriever on a leash and the Blue Heeler was trying to play with it and the man was being pulled around. He then told the Blue Heeler dog owner to get it the dog back on the lead because it was ‘out of control’, the owner kindly just said “no, he is just a bit boisterous’. He did eventually get his dog on the lead in a nice polite kind way and walked him off and away but the incident really made me think , we all have different levels of energy, restriction and control and certain ideas around boundaries. Had the Blue Heeler owner done the ‘wrong’ thing by keeping his dog off the lead? Wouldn’t it have been great if the Golden Retriever owner could have let his dog off the lead so they could play? Just a question.

I keep Jasper equally off and on the lead during our walks, I like him to be able to run free. Sometimes I do worry though when he tries to jump on people, dog owners who love affectionate dogs don’t mind but I have got in trouble for it too. I don’t know what all of this has to do with a post on scrambled brains but the point I am trying to make is that there is an energy in us that wants to move and not be restricted but when it does get restricted or tied up or left to go round and round in circles what is the result? Perhaps a heap of anxiety and confusion and a stewing at times on negative thoughts? Being able to witness the things we make up with our thoughts and reactions to triggers is also very important work in learning to unscramble our brains.

As a child I know my own lively energy was restricted a fair bit. It was a very serious house I grew up in and we didn’t get to play much. Play is very important for the soul, in fact last week I was going to post a post on play. Play can be a good antidote for the heavy tied up restriction and repression of energy that abounds in being too serious or rigid or fixed. Trauma, past abuse or neglect may often also make us feel that the world is not such a safe place. That we have to be on guard and defended at all times in order to be safe. We may start to see threats or impute negative motives that are just not there. Maybe it is just me but its something I am becoming more conscious of these days as I see the way I sometime defend and react to things that are seeking me to open up and engage. In the scrambled brain life begins to feel unsafe, it gets scary to move or open up but life wants us to move and engage fully an dto live it. When we can begin to get a better handle on our scrambles and defences and reactive patterns or schemas then we may have a chance of doing something different that keeps us less restricted, scrambled or tied up in psychic knots.