So proud of you

I wanted to send a text to my nephew today to say how proud I am of him trying so hard because he recently was successful in getting a job. He is an brilliant artist but as many know its difficult to make a living from art alone. I sadly think of how little help he and his brothers got from our side of the family, unless they ‘achieved’ and proved themselves. When you suffer from the kind of early trauma my nephew did this is not easy. He is the only of this brothers so far to seek outside help and a while back one of the others was trying to shame and blame and label him which I did not like. It rung bells for how I was treated when my trauma was unresolved. Neither of us deserved that.

Anyway I was sitting here in the sun and thinking of the loving words Mum so often said to me. They were “of all my children it is you who I am most proud of, you got sober and that has been a huge thing.” Thank you Mum. It has and recovering the truth has been harder.

I am actually feeling really proud of myself today, I usually have criticised and shamed myself heaps by 10 am but not today. I woke slowly to texts of love from Scott, we chatted briefly and then I went into my body in meditation to do some trauma/grief release work. I then wrote my blog and had a lemon and cardamom juice and had a bath to do more breathing work. Since the radio therapy for breast cancer my body is weird, its hard to express how it feels, full of sediment that constantly moves would be one good explanation. I need to eat soon but that can become problematic due to gut issues digesting food I have to choose carefully too.

The sun is shining today after a day of torrential rain yesterday. What a gift. I reminds me that after rain and storms and showers sun and light always comes and showers will come again but the brightness after the shedding will leave everything sparking and bright for a time…. refreshed and cleansed. All of nature is in constant flux or dance and so are the cells in our body. what we do how we speak to ourselves and others the fresh air sunshine food hate fear or love all impact us. So it pays to be mindful and open and just one in a while to give ourselves and others a pat on the back and say wholeheartedly. “I am so proud of you.”