It’s up to us : some thoughts on resentment.

Like it or not if we are a feeling human being the hurtful actions of others have the power to hurt us, but I do believe there is a way not to magnify that hurt by letting it keep lodging itself deep inside of us over and over like a painful thorn. If you have ever engaged in a 12 Step addiction recovery process you know how powerful a wound resentment over someone else’s unfair or hurtful actions can be. It is said that it drives so many of us to drink or other addictions in order to seek for a way to be free of the pain or at least stop us hurting as much.

In the 4th step we look at where we have been hurt and we try to hand that pain over to a power outside of us in the following steps and by sharing our pain with another in the 5th step. We try to find the power to not let the hurt keep on hurting us by focusing on it over and over again.

We don’t have control over a lot of things but we do have a little bit of power over what we focus on and where we invest our thought energy. Look for an imperfection or see it as that rather than just a flaw which makes something different or unique and you are going to come to feel a whole lot different about that said thing. I know for sure one thing. Things that hurt us do so because of the way we are wired and there is nothing wrong with us feeling hurt especially if such treatment sparks off a deeper wound or sensitivity that is raw and tender, part of what Eckhart Tolle has called ‘the pain body’. But my experience is that what we focus on grows in power. There is a saying ‘to take offence’ and I remember one of the Al Anon readings speaking of how us taking something as offensive really is all about focus and choice in that its something we decide to ‘take’ or grasp hold of.

We can choose to say something hurts but we are going to choose not to focus on it and put our attention on something else, something that brings peace, joy and a sense of up lift or freedom. The alternative of endlessly fuelling resentment over it is not just a waste of time, its actually corrosive to us on many levels.

In 12 Step recovery we hand our hurts over to a loving power, we ask for help to find freedom from them and we stop fuelling them. Its taken me some years to learn this lesson but one thing I know I am a whole lot healthier when I stop focusing on the hurt things others say or do and keep resending that hurt back down inside my system it over and over again.

After posting this and searching images I found a very interesting article on resentment on the Tiny Buddha site. Just sharing the link below this :

Releasing Resentment: Who You’re Really Angry With and Why