Sister

Sister I will carry you if I can

But sometimes the weight of loss is so heavy

It is only the body that counts the cost

Of feelings we could never admit

To the Self that ached all alone

In its silent longing

You and I have known the grief of silence

Years ago we both sat behind the door

Remembering the adage

Be seen and not heard

So that now If it is hard to ask for help We need to remember why

So often our Mum didn’t think it was worth it to cry

Because no one was there

To dry the tears

I watch as you struggle to eat and see how your arms shake

Your body still containing

The terror of the knife which cut in to tender flesh

While consciousness was obliterated

But still somewhere the body knows

Did we really think we could fool nature?

Sometimes I worry that it will soon

Be all too late

When you remind me

My own cancer check is now 6 months overdue

I do not know if I could

Bear this a second time like you

But just for today

I will be there

To carry your heavy bag up four flights of stairs

I will give to the limits of what I can

And pray that somehow

God gives me grace to withstand

The challenges of cancer

Revisiting us

One more time