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Heavy heart tonight

Been feeling pretty damn sad this evening. Conflicts where you feel you made a mistake can be very draining. Broken connections can feel like part of you is being torn out. Who knows if its current or old pain (or both). I just read the following by Paulo Coelho, it helped me a little to ease the pain tonight.

When you’re defeated and you suffer, don’t pretend that you’re spiritually superior. Sit down and cry. Say “Oh my God why did you forsake me?” You are allowed to cry, you are allowed to be defeated, don’t try to avoid suffering, this is just cheating yourself. I suffer a lot. I had a lot of opposition. But still, when I overcome this, and I say, “I am not going to be paralysed by that. I am not going to comply with what they think I should do.” I feel stronger, and it is good for me.

So tonight I will just let the rain storm in my heart play out, trusting in time that the down pour will be spent.

The source of wisdom is whatever is happening to us right at this instant.

Pema Chodron

Even though I am feeling pain in my heart, I open my heart. I just breathe into my heart. I open my heart and I remember the things I appreciate.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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14 thoughts on “Heavy heart tonight”

    1. Thanks I tried to express myself in another post but I was forced to take it down..I only did it out of love and concern and upset at musunderstanding but maybe that was wrong. I just dont know any more. Maybe its best to just be silent and care from afar.

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    1. Im feeling pretty traumatised and anxious and sad today Caz..and a bit fearful to post on my blog any more. I used to feel this was a safe place I could post anything..but Ive been told certain things are wrong to say or do and its all mixed up with the pain of what my older sister endured and I couldn’t save her from…Thanks so much for reaching out because I just woke and I feel all akimber…Thanks so much for always being such a kind friend. I hope your day was okay Caz..I know its night there now. Hugs to you. Xox

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      1. This is your blog, Deborah. It should be your safe place. I hate to think that you’re not feeling comfortable enough to post here freely. When you say “..but I’ve been told certain things are wrong to say or do”, who said that, a reader?
        xxxx

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      3. I had to take a post down and I am going to reinstate it later. Its just so sad all of this its a fellow blogger but if I say more it upsets her as she felt I painted her in the wrong light and I feel maybe she was right. I am not always right Caz I know that I try my best to be honest here but I have my own blind spots too, I see that . I JUST HATE HURTING ANYONE ELSE ESPECIALLY SOMEONE SO LOVELY WHO HAS BEEN SO DEEPLY TRAUMATISED IN HER OWN VERY HARD LIFE. ITS SO PAINFUL 😦 😦 😦

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  4. I’m not sure what to say as I don’t really know what happened… I love that you care so much and that you don’t want to hurt her, and you’re not doing anything intentionally to. But, if you just post your own thoughts, experiences, emotions etc on your blog, and you’re not involving her, then there really shouldn’t be a problem. People still have a choice whether to read or not; if they find something triggering, they don’t read. If they don’t agree with something you say, that’s also fine because we’re all entitled to our own opinions, but this is your space when you’re talking about your own journey.xxxx

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    1. The problem is I did involve her Caz. It was wrong of me. I should not have posted about her at all. I did make that mistake. I transgressed boundaries. It was wrong. And I offered advice that was not asked for, so I was in the wrong there. I have learned from this though.

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      1. I think your apology post was incredibly personal, sincere and open. An honest mistake, where that other person could have reacted either way, but in this instance was upset. You have a very warm heart Deborah and you care so much, so please just make sure you don’t apologise for that.. now I’m the one giving unwelcome advice 😉 Please do keep posting and sharing what you want though, it’s your space and we all need to reach out.xxxx

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      2. Thanks so much Caz. I had to start password protecting as she sent me the nastiest email yesterday saying what a sick person I am and how my blog wont help me.and hinting at libel actiin for misreoresenting her.i was nauseated reading it so this means so much its 5am and ive orobably only managed 3 hours sleep. Bless you for your warm loving friendship Caz..you are a diamond.🌷

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