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My Griefs

I never got to really live feeling free

I feared those things that may have been good for me

I didn’t trust at times when surrender and trust would have been right

I sought an easier softer way out when really I just had to bear the pruning of the shears which was cutting away the dead life and was necessary to facilitate new growth.

My NO was often not strong enough due to fear of being abandoned.

I turned back up to have piece cut off of me or I took on the judgements of others who were not able to see more deeply into the truth of my buried pain.

I abandoned myself at times and bowed under pressure to be smaller or play less than I truly was inside.

For all of these things may I find courage to feel the pain and find forgiveness.

The thing I did right even though I judge myself. I kept opening my heart and loving even when it hurt and in some way I found compassion even for the narcissist. But at times I should not have stayed, I really should have walked away.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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10 thoughts on “My Griefs”

      1. Exactly right. I fight. In every way. If I care about someone then I will fight for the relationship. One thing I have come to realize though, I cannot be fighting alone. Match my effort. Period. That is why I’m not dating. I don’t like what I see out there. I have old fashioned thinking on some areas and today everything is about technology. Easy fixes. Maximum return wanted with minimum effort. Pfft. I’ll date myself. 😂

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      2. I understand Laura. A lot of people are only in a relationship to feel better in some way…it should be about mutual growth and sharing. But don’t give up. I understand how you feel and a lot of that is true….its important to be happy in yourself for sure. But I still hold out hope.. maybe its naïve I just don’t know.

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      3. I have hope too but I think my expectations has me sitting back evaluating people more. I spent years with my husband to only discover a side to him I never knew was there or could have imagined existed. That scares the hell out of me. I can’t go through that hell again.

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