Tim Grayburn on depression

I believe depression is a rational response to a bad situation that you need to address; maybe you hate your job, you’ve lost someone or your relationship is not working; for example, I couldn’t figure out what I needed to change for a very long time so I am not saying its easy to identify. But you have to put more effort than I did into finding out what is wrong. Too many people, including me, don’t address those niggling issues, whatever they may be. You have to find that willingness to do it from somewhere in order to change your life. Would we rather blame our depression on a chemical imbalance or the stresses of everyday life? It certainly seems less daunting to blame an imbalance, rather than jacking in that job or ending that relationship? In some cases, I think we do. We look at depression as the problem when I believe we should recognise it as a helpful symptom that alerts us to the fact that something needs to change. We shouldn’t ask ourselves what is wrong with us, we should ask ourselves what happened to us? We should do this by rationally breaking down how we behave, how we react and how we reflect. When I started to look at what happened in my life to make me depressed, rather than just concede to the fact that I was broken and couldn’t be fixed I started to mend. If you have been diagnosed with depression you are classed as mentally unwell. I think the opposite is true. If you have depression, you are responding to a negative situation. Surely this proves that you are mentally healthy? It means you are in tune with what is happening in your life; chose to see your depression as a beacon through the fog of life. You are exercising a way of fixing something that is fundamentally wrong in your life. You are exploring and questioning your existence. That’s not being mentally unwell. That’s progressive. Depression is merely a symptom of a curious, challenging mind and you need to take notice of it as soon as possible before the fog becomes too thick.

Separate what has meaning from what is essentially meaningless. Realise how beautiful life is – real life, that is, not just Facebook life. Real life is fresh air, a simple meal, walks in the park. .. Focus on your own life and life of people you love as well as the people who need your attention. Avoid negative people and the people who are not interested in helping you make yourself a better person.

Being honest allow you to flow through life. It causes less stress and helps you live freely. For me, I had a deep sadness about not being able to be proud about who I was. I was ashamed. I couldn’t see the positives of my diagnosis so I pretended to be someone else. That dishonesty, not only to myself, but also to the people around me, slowly made me worse. I figured out what I needed to do to be saved and that was to live honestly. I realised that speaking falsely only adds to the confusion in the world and there’s enough of that as there is! The truth shall set you free, believe me.

Tim Grayburn

Boys Don’t Cry : A Story of Love, Depression and Men