Some days our backs break
Under the weight of things
We are forced to carry in silence
And the world passes by
Ignorant to the suffering
That cannot be so easily seen
Lurking below the surface
But what is most important is
That we rest
And let ourselves unload
The weight we are carrying
Set it free
No matter who sees
Because we were made
To stand upright
And walk forward
With a sun shining inside of our heart
Instead of a burnt out bonfire
Hollowing us out from within
Leaving our spirit buried
Under a pile of ashes
” because we are meant to walk upright.. ” love this line
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Thanks sweetie 🤗
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my pleasure!
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Hi I liked your poem immensely, maybe you lost some impetus in the finale (I always have trouble finishing off my thoughts)
Last two lines…..
“Leaving our spirit hidden
In a cauldron of smoke”
…………. Only a suggestion, because you had already mentioned a burnt out bonfire, which was a strong piece.
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Thanks for the suggestion. I actually had this in drafts so.posted it while having a toasted sandwich out at a cafe. And i just winged it with the last line. Im gonna leave it as it stands but thanks for your thoughts xo
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That’s good,, I just don’t like pile, maybe a cauldron of ashes
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But a pile weights you down thats more how it feels for me maybe I could write this again with your ending but keep the original versio too. I do like your ending but they arent my words. 🙄
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I know what you mean, we write certain things with ours ideas and thoughts in our mind, writing is such an individual thing and that’s the beauty of writing xxx
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😊💖
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I loved the ending. So well written.
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I am glad you like it as a fellow poet felt it needed another ending (?????) Those were the words I chose and I really appreciate your supportive comments and friendship.. thanks so much… 🙂
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