Barricades

I sense now

How much you were trying to reach me

Hidden behind all of these barricades

Loss and trauma made

Doubt and fear well they lingered here

Bending my reality

To fit a perception twisted out of recognisable shape

By emptiness and absence

Left all alone with it

Struggling to make sense

Now knowing why and how I was

Numbing feelings

Or running dialogues that never really managed to do anything

But hide the truth of deeper feelings buried here inside

So now

If I so often cry

And wrestle with the fear of madness

As the braces around my chest

Burst open

Let me trust this tide

Now springing up from deep inside

Has a purpose

Yes, for sure I am going to feel utterly nervous

As things appear to careen so far out of control

But was control ever the answer?

Didn’t its toxic strangle hold

Surely have to lose its grip

Sooner or later?