“And I will show you something different from either
your shadow at morning striding behind you
or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.”
T.S. Eliot
The term “self-centered” often has negative connotations, in this case, it’s meant to just to be descriptive. Meaning this: underneath anger, hurt and frustration is often the fear that we will not get what we need, or that we are in emotional or physical danger, that somehow our “self” needs protecting. And it does. So in order to protect ourselves we repeat certain reactions or ways of speaking, communicating or functioning that have protected us in the past, that are familiar, safe seeming and workable for us.
It’s not always apparent, either, at first glance what some of those things are even. But when we take a closer look at our “self-centered” fears we often can see that there are other ways of protecting ourselves that bring us good results in our relationships. And we can then understand that others are often operating out of fear as well. When we can get to this, we often get farther than we ever imagined possible.
Self centred fear ” is, we are told, the “chief activator” of our character defects. We want what we want and we want it so badly that we are blinded to what we do to get it or keep it and the resulting collateral damage. We cheat, lie, steal, and otherwise do ill. Then we fear the consequences. It becomes a vicious cycle. Fear drives us to do wrong, and doing wrong drives us to fear.
thatn
An antidote to all of this fear can come from the concept of a beneficent force in the Universe that wants something better for us. In 12 step recovery we turn our limited will over to this power.
As we work the Steps and grow in our recovery, we are promised that “fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.” Not because the risks involved in relationships or in the facts of economic life will cease to exist. Those things may not necessarily change. But we will. And central to that change is that we will see people and money differently; they will take on a different meaning for us.
“As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter.”
The AA Big Book
“We are more often frightened than hurt;
and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.”
Seneca
Source ; practicetheseprinciplesthebook.com/emotional-sobriety-fear_389.html
Emerging From The Dark Night 
Interesting thoughts on fear Deborah. Fear has been the bane of my life. It is like some kind of amorohous all encompassing thing. I wake up in it EVERY morning. A suckening feeling. Ine cimes, I think, from horrific trauma. So there are different kinds of fear. Someone once told me that I was cintrolling them with fear. You mught know that it was aboriest! He was wrong. Nut I think there are many reasons atrached to our fear, and you have identified much of it. A really good post Deborah
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Yes Lorraune I cant acceot credit fir this because it comes from other sources. Going through cancer is frightening enough without all the other ways your mother subjucted you to fear. If we arent held or comforted through trauma I believe it makes the feelings totally overwhelming. But facing dearh is scarey. I have almist lost my life twice and I wake in fear most mornings too. There is traumatic fear which is quite uncontrollable most of the time.
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