Being creators in our own lives

I have been thinking a lot over the past few days of the sense of powerlessness or what another blogger and Martin Siegelman have labelled a condition of ‘learned helplessness’. Apparently it is something that can befall the most sensitive and intuitive of souls who did not get valued or validated in their families of origin. Also for those of us who never got to be encouraged for expressing ourselves truly and helped in finding our way with the necessary support we can fall into a state of complete despair. In fact for many of us the deeply buried grief over the loss of our true self with its light, vitality, vibrancy, energy and courage can be one of the major causes of anxiety and depression. It is known that those who are perfectionistic and hold themselves to overly high or inappropriate standards always fearing rejection are more likely to suffer from panic attacks and anxiety.

Louise Hay has written a wonderful book called The Power is Within You and she makes the point in a lot of her writing about how the inner child in us is so devalued and disempowered by caregivers or even education systems. Lately I am telling myself that I love myself and am a worthy and valuable being who deserves the best, but part of me hates this and thinks its a sign of arrogance or ‘being too big for my boots!!’ HOW SAD. This is not to say I go around thinking I am the best person in the world, only that I love and care for myself and try to foster an attitude of basic trust in life despite what inner fearful voices tell me because I see now how I have often been my own worst enemy and limited myself by my negative attitudes and beliefs about myself and the world.

And what I am recognising is that I have the power to be a creator in my own life. Each day we all make thousands of decisions that can affect our lives or good or ill. Do we choose to wallow in pain or get out and get some fresh air and exercise, taking our pain out for a walk. As someone who at a critical point actually crashed and broke her head hope and then was almost paralysed in inaction with all the pain of the past floating around inside me, I know its the tiny decisions on the really tough days that can either add or detract from my energy level and life.

As a recovering addict I had a host of broken attachments and this was a part of the way I was raised. It was not my fault but I came to a point where I had to realise it was my responsibility to take the action to reach out and trust again. I also chose not to GIVE AWAY MY POWER to the medical model or drugs or psychiatrists many of whom I see as drug pushers if they don’t encourage inner work in tandem with their prescriptions. At certain points I had to tell therapists and medical professionals to back the hell off and I chose to seek more natural ways. I know medications work for many but for me I have chosen therapy, food, exercise, tissue salts, herbs, intensive psycho (talk) therapy as well as body therapies along the way. I have chosen 12 step meetings and philosophy about handing over what is not in my power to change (I have not always been great with this but I am learning more.)

Today I really to believe that there is a life force that wants me to express and be the truest version of me I can be. For me that has involved a lot of excavation work. I remember reading a wonderful book on midlife transition written by therapist Murry Stein a few years after I got sober and then hit my own mid life crisis/dark night of the soul. In it he said at this time many of us have to excavate or bury the corpse of all the mistakes, losses and abortions of our life that were at that time outside of our power and now cannot be changed. Once this corpse is laid to rest we can move into a new regenerative phase where we take all the lessons learned forward with us. Astrology shows we hit major crisis points at the ages of 30, 40, 50 and 60. There is a brilliant book by the astrologer Barbara Hand Clow called the Liquid Light of Sex which talks about this process. It is not just sex of the sexual human intimacy variety she refers to in the title but the very organic spiritual life force that lays dormant within us she speaks of in the book. I don’t have access to my copy of the book at present but I remember when I read it and studied the astrological signatures of those critical times how much is spoke to me.

Many of us on this planet are now in the critical stages of awakening. As we awaken to and try to address our own trauma and abuse and explore its multigenerational components we are also aware of how the earth is also suffering through this critical transition. We have so much power to change things if we can come to deeper understandings of ourselves and the life force as well as the critical forces around us that shape us. We should not hand that power over to others but share it in a co creative way. For we are all mirrors of each other and transitioning together at this very critical time on planet earth.