Learning to listen

I mentioned late last week a gorgeous little book I found at the local bookshop by Korean Buddhist Monk Haemin Sunim the other day and there is a lovely chapter in it about listening. So many people don’t really listen to listen. Their heads may be full already of what they want to say. And if you are in a deep dark place that they are scared of, if, for example, you are grieving and they don’t feel comfortable with grief you will feel immediately disrespected and not listened to when they give unsolicited comments like : well she is in a better place now (about a loved one who suffered many years and then died).. it may well be true but that’s not really what someone grieving really needs to hear. Or this pearler (said to me when my older sister died in 2014) she wouldn’t want you to be sad… maybe not but I was feeling really sad at the particular point and a hug or affirmation or support was more needed!)

If we really want to be there for people who are suffering we really need to listen and if they don’t have words sometimes just reaching out a hand and touching them may help. The power of touch is so strong and its something our society is getting further and further away from now that technology is starting to dominate the world more and more and more. How often did you get a hug in the last week, for example?

I have actually lately thought about getting a placard made up saying Free Hugs and standing on the street corner with it (though to be honest I don’t think as an empath this might be the best thing for me to do, I just like the idea!!)

Anyway in my 12 step group there was often a saying … take the cotton wool out of your ears and put it in your mouth (only in response to listening since we also need to off load at times too) But sometimes our off loading can be about stories rather than deeper feelings, which may have more possibility of emerging if others are silent, present and fully centred and receptive to us.

The following comes from Haemin’s book LOVE FOR IMPERFECT THINGS. I just wanted to share this today. Don’t forget to listen to your loved one’s or even your inner self today.

If you want to express love to family or friends, really listen to them, devoting your whole mind and heart to their words.

If you listen with great care and interest they will come to feel “I am a precious being”

and “this is what it feels like to be loved.”