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A wave of sadness : feeling isolated today

A wave of sadness washed over me just a while ago. I have been spending most of my days alone with Jasper apart from trips to the dog park where I see people I know and today therapy was cancelled due to the Australia Day public holiday. My cousin’s son came to walk Jasper and I went to the garden centre to get some plants but after I planted them I am came in ate lunch and had an enormous anxiety attack. I just realised how much I am surrounded by books, things, clutter and then I get fearful I am isolating by spending so much time alone. Its an overcast day today too which sometimes can make me feel a little blue and I am watching the series The Path at the moment and I am finding hard going as some of the themes in it are very very disturbing and dark. The leader of the particular cult was just called in my an affluent couple to help with their son’s addiction, the father said “its not our fault, we gave him everything and we need this to be discreet, we don’t want too many people knowing about it.” There was expensive art on the walls of their perfect home but the emptiness was palpable. It just made me so very very sad. The modern world can be a sad and very desolate place at times with emptiness at the heart of it, or possibly I am just projecting my own loneliness. I wish I had good friends closer. I am thankful for all of my beautiful WordPress friends but sadly I cannot meet any of you (yet!) Cause I guess somewhere down the line if I ever travelled I am sure that too would be a possibility.

It saddens me sometimes, that I spend every day in solitary pursuits and when ever I have the idea of reaching out to ask someone to meet up voices in my head just try to nip it all in the bud. I wish I could push through it. Maybe recognising I need to is an important thing because there are people I could call and connect with, and its up to me to make the effort. I cant complain about what I am not prepared to make and effort to change.

Anyway this is a very inspiring topic I know but simply sharing where I am on any day does sometimes help me so that is what I am doing. On the positive side I am reading a wonderful book at the moment by Alain de Botton called Essays in Love, its so funny, entertaining and well written all about the trajectory of a romantic love relationships filled with incisive observations about the human spirit in it desire to connect and be seen and share. Later on I am going to share some of it on here because it really is very funny as well as enlightening.

Anyway Happy Monday to all my WP family. Hope your day is going a little better than mine. Look forward to hearing all about it in your own posts soon.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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36 thoughts on “A wave of sadness : feeling isolated today”

  3. You recognise it, so that’s good. But all the same, it can still be difficult. Xx

    I have had difficult days on different matters as you know this month. The weather does not help those dark days, I agree. I have struggled to get up most mornings and fatigued. Surprisingly, I was awake this morning before my alarm.
    I have done my first job required today and before next job on my list, I thought I would have a cuppa and biscuit in a cafe, to keep my current calm mood going this morning, because when I did wake up this morning, I was about of breath and anxiety a little. So wondering if my sleep was restless prior to waking.

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      1. It’s helpful at times, but being in cafe today was to slow me down too, so I don’t rush around and work myself up.
        I hope your day starts to feel a little better tomorrow. X

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  4. So sorry that you’re feeling this way Deborah but I think that you’re brave to share and acknowledging the need for change is the first step on the path towards freedom. I wanted to share this with you in the hope that it will inspire you in the way that it did me: “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
    ― Lao Tzu Hugs xx

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    1. Awww Wow Lisa thats an awesome quote. On a positive note out walking today I met a lovely couple and I prayed yesterday so God answered my prayers. I am going to write a blog about it later. Big hugs and thanks to you for sharing this.. i love it!! 😊💞🌷😚

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      3. There is a freedom to forgiving yourself. It’s not easy, it’s not about “letting yourself off the hook”. It requires discipline and total honesty with yourself. It’s one thing to admit we did something or behaved a certain way, but it’s an entirely different matter to own it. Because owning means identifying. Cleansing is hard stuff, but it’s necessary.

        Blessings and peace of mind to you, my friend.

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      4. Yes we can defend and deny our own actions and then never grow. I am sad for hurt I caused and my blindness but its the best I was capable of at the time and I didnt get it all wrong just some parts of it.
        Owning it feels damn good!!

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  6. Hi. Wanted to say I relate so on some energetic level you’re not as isolated as you may think. I had a difficult upbringing and live alone with my dog. I don’t go into therapy anymore but it used to be the most important part of my life. I’m introverted so I’m more comfortable being alone than some people. but too much of it and I’m prone to depression again. I meditate and read spiritual books, this helps. Sending healing thoughts your way. You seem very aware and self honest so I feel sure you will move through this in the best way for you. Lissy x P.S Therapy helped me more than I can tell you!

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    1. Wow Alicia we are so similar there. Most of the time I enjoy my solitude but I need some small connection each day orherwise depressive thinking can sneak back in that happened yesterday. I really agree with what you wrote about etheric/energetic connection I feel that a lot. Hugs to you.
      Thanks SO MUCH for reaching out ..💖

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  8. Keep writing, if it helps to get it out. How are you doing today? I’m so sorry lovely, hang in there. Lots of love to you. I’ll have to check out that Essays In Love book, I’m sure I’ve heard of it before. Enjoy that, your time with Jasper, and take care of yourself  ♥
    Caz xx

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    1. I am really struggling Caz. I have been trying to help my friend overseas but because the bank think he is a scammer they have blocked my accounts. Its so hard and painful because of the situation he is in and now he is so angry with me. I am just being broken by it. I am sorry to write this to you, I haven’t been sharing about it on my blog. But I really am in intense pain at the moment. Thanks for your love and concern.

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      1. This friend, I’m sorry he’s in a bad situation. That said, it’s not your fault if you can’t send money and you have no obligation to do so, he shouldn’t be angry with you. I know that’s blunt and you may disagree, but you are a compassionate, generous person, and I hate that any guilt from this is weighing so heavily on you. I don’t know his situation, but there has to be other options, it can land on your shoulders… Please don’t take that the wrong way. Is there anything I can do?xxxxx

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      2. Its true Caz it was so unfair of him to blame me. I honestly have done my best but this is the issue I TRY TOO HARD TO KEEP LOVE Thanks for your honesty. I really aporeciate it. I dont really know what anyone can do but thank you for asking..Just knowing you hear means so much to me ❤🌷

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