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Detonate

I am in one of those moods today when I just want to detonate certain things. I got triggered in therapy yesterday over something and it has really made me want to break free of therapy once and for all. I know its been useful for me and its best not to cut off entirely but this thing just caused me so much pain and I don’t think my therapist treated me very fairly at all. I don’t want to go into here as I know I have to come to my own conclusions about this. I am also not getting any straight answers to someone I am asking questions of at the moment and it sending me a bit crazy. I lashed out just saying I don’t think I can relate with someone if they will not give straight answers, but does that mean I am trying to control the person or the situation. I wish I just SAID NOTHING. But what I have said is the relationship is over if the person doesn’t start telling me things here and now and saying cryptic things about why they cannot tell me. ITS TRIGGERING ME BIG TIME.

Luckily I had a lovely call from one of my nephews after therapy yesterday and I was able to be sad and cry and he didn’t try to advise me, he just listened. We had a conversation about how people just need to be heard and how its best not to trust the opinions of others all the time. When he first met his wife his brother told him not to approach her because she was South African and according to my other nephew South Africans were not approachable. If you knew my nephew’s wife you would know she has a heart of gold as well as a strong intuition, is smart, kind and has a great sense of humour so had he listened he may never have met and married the mother of his three wonderful young sons. Just goes to show!

I am grateful to be able to put some of my feelings into words today. When I feel this angry my inner self is trying to tell me something very important and I cannot afford not to listen. I am still really feeling just like keeping to myself a lot of the time. Its been over a week now since I saw anyone outside of therapy. I haven’t been to visit my sister in hospital for over a week. Its just been me and Jasper.

Oh and I watched a really good video last night on ways to keep yourself healthy as an empath that really spoke to me by Ralph at Infinite Waters. I love his take on things, and it comes out of his own experience as an empath. I Loved the idea that as absorbers, empaths need a lot of time alone and in nature. We can get pulled upon by other’s energy and it can be downloaded into us. Sometimes with certain people I have felt like chewing my own arm off with the frustration that comes from them not reading the signals that I need to get away and they have gone on too long about themselves and all their problems. I used to feel pinned and immobilised and I also learned how to speak up to try to extricate myself. Its one of the reasons I cannot always go to the dog park with Jasper because sometimes I connect well but at others people latch onto me with their problems and its hard to get away.

I am linking to the video below.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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17 thoughts on “Detonate”

  3. I am sorry that you are hurting and struggling to deal with the past. A trained professional therapist is not allowed to give you answers. A therapist should encourage to you disclose and listen to what you say. A therapist should be able to help you to find ways of dealing with the past. They need to encourage you to develop healthy options. Dr Wayne W, Dyer has several helpful books as does Louise L. Hay. Nobody can give you answers. Learning to develop coping strategies is what others can guide you to do. Please see my blog on Serenity. Take care, be kind to yourself, please don’t let the past control you. I have been to hell and back too. xo

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    1. Thanks Ally she doesnt give me answers but neither does she iffer any coping strategies and she just threatened to make me oay for sessiins mussed which I never have a habit of doing. That realky yoset me because bith times I had genuine needs to be doing something else. She then went on about how apparently Ive been paying a reduced rate which I never even realised. It just really cit me down as I was really strugglng recently. Its made me very angry with her. I just dont think that is showing compassion.

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      1. If you are feeling uncomfortable with the therapist maybe think about finding another one. Next week I am seeing a dietician for the first time , the nurse at my medical centre told me if I don’t feel right about her tell us and we will refer you to someone else. Do what is best for you my friend, find peace and happiness.

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      3. I am sorry I didn’t get your name . I agree a total break wouldn’t be a bad thing thing to do. You are blessed to have Jasper – a true friend. I might do a post about the dietician. Have a happy day my friend. 🙂

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  4. “and according to my other nephew South Africans were not approachable.” I don’t know where this other nephew got his information from, but it’s the complete opposite as mentioned in most online sources on South Africans. This is something that actually annoys me about my fellow country-mates. They’re way too friendly, lol. I’m not a person who enjoys socializing unless I know someone well and with a select group of people.

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