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the barrel of a gun

(Trigger warning  :  Suicidal ideation content!!)

Looking down the barrel of a gun

You see your hands on the trigger

Who exactly is it that is going to deliver

The shot to the head that you take

When this latest heart break

Completely cauterises you

Wounder or woundee?

Never the less society will be happy

For you to take the blame

When the true causes that lay hidden

And are seemingly impossible to name

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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13 thoughts on “the barrel of a gun”

  1. Ouch! My best friend committed suicide by shooting herself in the head. She took a week to die. She had OCD REAL bad, and was suffering terribly, and in our last ever phone call she told me she was gling to do it! Her name was Carla. She loved in Virginia.

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      1. I know. I loved Carla very much, and she had had so MUCH therapy etc but no one could help her. She suffered so much. Cshe was only 43. A beautiful soul. When I nearly died from cancer, I felt here there calling me and waiting for me. We were so close

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      3. Thanks Deborah. But to be honest I personally am not glad I am still here! I wanted to go when I had cancer, and to thus day wish I had, i was literally at death’s doir, and did not want to fight but just to let myself go because my lufe has been such shit. Everyone in my lufe has abused me terribly, including my hysband. So I wanted to go. But no one would LET me go. I had to fight. Wish I hadn’t!

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      6. Bless you for that. Sometimes I don’t know how I get through. Snitty family who don’t want to know me, shitty hysband, shitty body, and TERRIBLE memories. But you know, if you jyst dwell on that, you go under. For me, it is God Who gets me through. Just my own deep faith. But bloody churches are terrible places. I am at this time threatened with being put in a Home. I have considered running away, but I can’t even walk never mind run lol.

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      8. Thanks. I get through. I feel better today than I did. I have faith inside of me. Just sometimes it wanes!

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      10. Bless you Deborah. Thankyou so very much. I will be ok. I feel a certain sense of excitement about 2019 really. I know that God is with me xo

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