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In retrospect

Darkness grows

Many times when in this room alone

I sit and contemplate times gone by

That cannot be changed

And when the blackness starts to hurt

I am reminded to put the focus on this day

It requires an act of will

It does not have to be an act of denial

It can be as simple as a choice

To focus on what is good

To bring myself into the here and now

Seeking for what brings me joy rather than pain

Rather than being dragged back into a past

I cannot change

Or into excessive rumination

(Which would just lead me down

Dark, heavy and fruitless pathways)

And never the less when darkness comes

And I succumb to its heavy weight

I can also learn

To touch those suffering places

With tenderness

And remind myself

That at the time I did the best

I was capable of

Even if it proved to be painful

Or cause suffering

In retrospect

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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7 thoughts on “In retrospect”

  1. Yes, the darkness CAN be luminous Deborah. It can be a goid thing, not a bad thing. But I know what you mean. It’s hard. Xxxx

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      1. I do understand. I have days like that too. Weeks sometimes. And yes, terrible trauma. I had it just before Christmas, and all over Chrustmas, and my pain was terrible. Yesterday was AWFUL, and the day before, I decided to go to Switzerland for Assisted Suucide. I felt so black, and could take it no mire. I DO know. I just don’t speak of it

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      2. I understand the past few days have been horrendous for me too. I had a Christmas where I literally frlt all the life being swueezed out of me. I am glad you can tell me about it. This was written on the 18th a day the banks blocked me trying to help my friend come home from overseas but it applies to all those crushing blockages and wounds that cauterize us. I am always here for you. Xox

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      3. Thankyou. People are fooled by my happy exterior. And to a vreat extent I AM like that. But to be honest, U have had enough now. I woukd not tell that to most people though. Christmas is a terrible time for many!

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