I’m not so sure

I’m not so sure if our deep griefs ever fully leave us

I am not so sure that we don’t try to convince ourselves

They do

Just because the pressure is so great

In an at times unfeeling shut down society

So averse to pain and steeped in denial

I am not so sure that I have not put up walls of denial around past pain myself at times

Because we are are told so often

 “You need to get over it”

Or “Let it Go”

But that is bullshit

For as a wise Zen teacher has said

Letting go is an illusion

Is not down to an effort of will at all

But to a process through which pain is accepted into our heart

Transforming it and us

Enlarging us to encompass more of our soul

For as the poet Keats has said

Is not this life the land of soul making?

I am not so sure

I like this society at times

Or some of the people in it

Shut down inside themselves

With locked doors barring the way into their hearts

But never the less I have to find a way to live along side them

It’s just these days I would rather choose

Not to engage too deeply

For nowadays

I am not so sure

I want much part in their world at all