Should I be open or closed about my traumatic experience?

The above is an issue and question that is so very problematic for those of us who have undergone intense trauma.   Sadly as much as healing involves and requires validation of what we have endured and gone through in our lives, so often trauma victims will be denied this from loved ones and even those who are ‘concerned’ about them.   Sadly those who love us are not always the best ones to share our trauma history with.

Devastating trauma fractures our reality by its very nature and leaves an intense charge or vibration of energy trapped inside of us that must be released appropriately.  Its an issue that trauma specialist Peter Levine deals with in depth in his book Waking the Tiger.  Animals who are traumatised will naturally try to shake off trauma, sadly we are not so lucky and may even be held down forceable when rage or anger or intense anxiety burst out of us, drugs work in a similar way to lessen the intensity and may be helpful or harmful depending on the way in which we use then and what we use them in conjunction with (for example therapy and body work).

Life force is stolen, trapped or blocked in trauma, from a shamanic perspective this is seen as a form of Soul Loss.  In the Shamanic tradition of healing the shaman may enter the unconscious of the traumatised person to help find the trapped energy and help them liberate it, they are able to move between the worlds of past (contained/repressed) trauma and the present in which lively life energy should be free but so often is not, as it is held hostage in the psyche and body mind of the sufferer.

Trauma by its very nature is complex too and so often poorly understood by others.  In her book Evolve With Trauma : Becoming Your Own Safe, Compassionate and Wise Friend, trauma therapist and yoga teacher Dr Jeannie Higgins has this to say about sharing about our trauma with others.

you will still need to be careful when you start to talk abut your private reality. Be mindful of the capacity, understanding and genuine presence of the other person.  You may be very disappointed by the reactions of some relatives, friends or health professionals that you thought would be there for you.  Sadly, there is no way around this and you may feel very hurt.  Please remember that this says nothing about you or your right to be loved and supported.  It does say a great deal about the capacity of some other people to hear the truth of trauma.

Despite the risk of being let down, it is not better to leave yourself locked in an emotional prison.  At the same time, it is generally not helpful for you to be completely open about the detailed reality of your traumatic experience with just anyone,  Although a great deal of wonderful community awareness and work has been done, there is still often unacknowledged stigma associated with psychological distress and psychiatric disorder.  You need to be thoughtful in your choices of confidants.

We should not stop in our quest to find trusted understanding confidants either. Traumatised reality demands validation and the root of so much trauma is just this absence of validation as well as pathologizing of victims which only keeps us stuck and makes us even angrier and ultimately disempowered.  We need to find our way back to the power we have inside that has been stolen, locked or blocked in trauma.  But we need to be savvy with whom we open our trauma history to, in earlier stages of recovery.

Trauma victims have their boundaries violated as a result of traumatic experience.  Rebuilding new and healthier protective boundaries that no longer block healing is an essential part of trauma recovery. The boundaries we need to heal are not only interpersonal.  The inner critic within us can keep our trauma in place because we find it hard to validate our experience from within.  Healing from trauma involves finding the compassionate self within us who will help us to validate from within and block invalidation from without through a strong internal boundary.  We should not be blaming ourselves for our trauma or its symptoms, but sadly this so often does happen due to the nature of trauma’s effect on our psyche and being and the way it is so often misunderstood in society.