Disappear : the unknowable mystery

Sometimes who I am

Disappears beneath a veil of tears

And I don’t know if I am or

Where I am

Only that I am becoming

It seems for past years

My body is not complete

The discrete parts

Disjoint from time to time

And often my cells become sediment

Connections come and go

Returning me to the deepest silence

The darkest void

Unbearable emptiness

Is it place of creation or destruction?

Or?

Both?

Here inside my aloneness my soul cries

And I fear the Universe will conspire

To never let us connect

Never know each other’s bodies

And this reminds me of the loneliness

I have always felt

Surrounding me like a curse

Of feeling I never had a home

And most certainly did not belong on this earth

With humans

People come and go

And I contain them

And when they disappear

My cells rearrange to contain myself again

Digesting the feelings left in rearranged tissue

Its a mystery I cannot explain

And many may feel I am mad

Because it makes no sense

And yet

When I cry

And try to comprehend

I feel the self I thought was me

Dissolving

Being absorbed back

Into the unknowable mystery