Keep it all inside

A voice within you says

There is not a safe place for feelings

 

I wish that I could be free to know it was safe to just unfurl

All the lostness and confusion

I feel at times

When I get myself in such a whirl

 

You say more money is needed to finally set you free

And the price of not helping

Means risking your life

How fair is it to land this burden on me

But the truth is I love you

And feel you are real

No matter what my head and fear may say

Oh God this lesson is just so tough

Why wont you take it away?

 

Sometimes it seems

All I was born to witness

Is destruction and pain

Of those similarly trapped

As I was

Frozen in a place

Where there is no room to draw

A free breath

A deep dark place of impotence

And internalised violence

Where voice and power are stolen

 

And yet in another land somewhere

My soul is free

I just don’t know how it can be

That this harsh lesson keeps

Repeating and repeating

Following me

Refusing me rest

Weighting me down

Like dead weight on my chest

Unless I accept I was born always to be

Dead weight carrier?

 

But perhaps for today my vision is blurred

By all the resonances echoing here

And so I just open and surrender to this weight

Finding a way to breathe through

Until the light emerges once again

And dead weight becomes

A realisation

Birthed from deep within

The tension of it all

Who knows if I will

Rise

Or fall?