Feelings of inadequacy outside and inside climate of judgement.

I often feel unneccessarily inadequate in my life.  I see there is little reason now for me to feel this way due to therapy and often wonder where my harsh inner critic comes from.   The following paragraph from a book just really spoke of my situation growing up with a Mum who didnt understand my temperament much or really ‘get’ me.  I wonder if it will help others, lets hope so!

The feeling of being inadequate can arise even if your parents didnt judge you.  Suppose yor mother was outgoing and you were introverted, or vice versa.  Even if she didnt criticise you for being different, it would be natural for you, as a child, to feel that there was something wrong with you because you were not like her.  Aftera all, she was your model for how a person is supposed to be.  You might even try to be like her, but that would be impossible because your natural inclination is different.  Your Critised Child is likely to believe that there is something wrong with you for being different from her.

In addition, if like me you were ever blamed for speaking up and being honest or told you were being dramatic just for expressing strong feelings your Inner Child becomes a Criticised Child. The Inner Critic will try to protect this part of you from the old hurt, pain, shame and fear that was never yours in the first place, just the introject of a parent’s own issues or judgementts.  And when you try to speak up or express strong feelings you may get attacked from within.  I know I most certainly go through this.  I can turn agaisnt myself for speaking up especially if it pushes anothers buttons then if they get angry my fear of abandonment gets triggered and I do anything to hold on, including making my impulses bad or wrong but during this Mars retrograde I have been seeing this pattern and pulling back from it.  I have been learning to stand my ground slowy so my Inner Child feels more accepted and loved than unfairly blamed or shame by repressive forces and people out there in the world who may just be pursuing their own agenda no matter at what cost to my valid need or self expression.