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Daily update

In ten minutes I go to collect my sis from hospital.  Its such a lesson in timing and cycles that today, 12th June is exactly 6 months to the date of my Mum’s death 12th December 2017.   My sister actually talked about her sadness at Mum not being their to enjoy the State of Origin football game they both used to love watching together last week. (I hate rugby of any kind so could never participate in these get togethers.)

That is the first time since Mum died that my sister has actually been able to give voice to anything.   It makes me happy that my sister’s mood is now 180 degrees away from where it was just six weeks ago when she was admitted just following the fourth annivesary of my older sister’s death 20th April, a lot of the depressive thinking and self punishment has gone.  I know at some point with the right help she had to make the decision to pick herself up and participate again.  I know how hard that really is.

I am also aware that these cyclical timings show me how prevalent grief and loss are beneath the surface of things and we just had my great great grandfather’s birthday a few days ago and he was the one who left all of his family behind only later to become an alcoholic.

It is just my sis and I here in our home town now, we are the survivors.  (We have other family here but never see them.)   I want to make the best of what is left, but it was never easy to connect to either this sis or my Mum from an emotional level in my life.  With my Mum we did attain that kind of intimacy toward the end.   With my sister it has been a much longer time coming but lately we have had real moments of the best possible connection I could hope for within the reality of who we both are and for that I am grateful and want to do all I can to support my sister.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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12 thoughts on “Daily update”

  2. What an impactful post about loss and grief and time and cycles. I wish I could say more but I’m just sitting here thinking about everything you said. Hoping for you

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      1. It can be. I have the same with my daughter. It is heartbreaking to watch and not be able to do a darn thing. To try but to know their is only so much you can do

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  4. My thoughts and love are with you. This is all still so fresh and the ache so strong. Even though you and your sister haven’t always connected, there are so many chances now. You are both on a path of healing; I feel this strongly.

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    1. Susan your comment really made me cry… because you pierced through to a truth. I felt that so strongly as we sat having lunch yesterday…. we are breaking out of the prison of our childhood to embrace each other wounded child to wounded child and loving adult to loving adult if that makes any sense My sis didnt go down the therapy road and I think she missed out on a lot due to that but she travelled her own path of healing and I cannot know all the ins and outs of it. I just wish she had a person to speak to every week who was trying to help her more deeply but she is on a different path to me. I so appreciate your feedback and sharing what you feel Bless you beautiful heart ❤ ❤ ❤

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  5. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult this all is, and the heartache of seeing your sister struggle on top of losing your mother. I’m glad she is doing a little better in herself at the moment, and I think there’s every chance you will both have more chances to connect better, more deeply, in future… Sending love your way and thinking of you both  ♥
    Caz x

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    1. Thanks Caz. I feel it will always be me reaching out to my sister to be honest. I dont think there is the level of feeling there that I have always longed for but I am just accepting how it is for now. I have other friends who can give me that kind of care and love so I am taking the pressure off of this relationship to be more than it is. I do appreciate your loving feedback. I hope things are good with you. Much love Deborah x

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