Broken by circumstance

I tried every way

Only to feel doors close in my face

And then I fell to my knees in disgrace

Finding no place

At all

For togetherness

Just an endless expanse of isolation and silence

Sometimes I feel so cursed

And on a day like today

When rain fell as I drove away from the place

Where they said come back on Tuesday

Its only a few days away

So why does it feel like ages

That I have been blocked from connection

Consigned to outer space

Destined always to be alone

To have any chance or promise of love

Snatched away from me

Just before the moment

Of completion?

Does God play dice with us

Consigning our precious dreams to the garbage heap

Where we recycle buried pain within silent suffering

No way forward

All roads are blocked

And now I am only feeling hate

I know its the worse of all reactions

The very thing I said I WOULD NOT feel

But I am giving up hope

And yet as I let the tears come

And fall to my knees

I know there will come a time to rise again

Nothing lasts for ever

This much I know

But when new trials summon up the pain not only of years

But also other lifetimes

How can I not feel

That my will has been entirely broken

By circumtance?