Sick of it

Sick of it

Of always being the strong one

The one who cares

The one who gives no matter what is asked

The one who smiles pleasantly while inside she is screaming

NO, NO, NOT THIS AGAIN

Pause your flattery please

For in admiring these traits which come out of my wounded self

What are you really giving life to?

What starving animal grown gaunt

On its own emotional starvation

Are you trying to feed?

It needs to die

Truely

It is like in all the eulogies where they say

She was such a good person

What a tragedy to die so young

Well let me tell you everyone

I have had ENOUGH

I am sick of the lie that tells me that I can only be loved

If I look good

Am pleasant and dont shout out too loud

Keeping my true self and deep pain buried deep inside

I was not put on this earth just to please

I was not put here just to stand behind the back door hiding and crying

While everyone else parties outside

This is not a life

Denying my need

Being good

Denying the fury I really feel putting you first

Denying that I hurt and hunger and want and need

And LONG TO REALLY LIVE

Inside a skin that I possess and inhabit fully

Not one hollowed and emptied out by being good

Left as an abyss

Carved out by a childhood in which

I was never ever truely seen