PTSD

Maybe more gentleness can be used by way of comfort instead of adding on to negative self-thoughts with more negative thoughts at my inability to eradicate them. While watching a show on PTSD, negative thoughts was listed as a symptom along with shame, guilt and many others that hit home.

My belief has been that sexual abuse during childhood caused these thoughts. Because no intervention was provided these beliefs about ‘self’ cemented into my personality– hard as rock, embedded so deeply it is an awesome challenge to chip away at.  

That is still my belief, but it also part of the whole scenario of PTSD. Gentleness does not arise first, it is always a beating. Perhaps this knowledge can ease those negative thoughts about everything I think, say or do. Even if only slightly, maybe enough to open the door towards gentleness.

It is a heavy cloud to live…