Being cared for and the healing power of interconnection.

It is not infantile to seek moments of being held and of being taken care of by other adults.  Indeed, such moments are important to our happiness, and in any case, given the fact of change and impermanence built into us, all we can ask of one another are moments.  They are unconditional yes to our existence and to our loveability.  In the moment we might say, “when you hold me this way, I feel you are fulfilling needs I gave up on long ago.”  Being loved helps us not give up on ourselves.

Nature and spirituality tell us we are all interconnected, but traditional Western psychology says that our life task is to separate and individuate.  That can feel like a split between our natural instinct (for connection) and our psychological work (emotional separation).  We benefit most from a view that accommodates the full range of our humanity.  The central realisation of mature spiritual consciousness about interconnectedness means that as humans in a world of others our needs are interactive.  We do not develop character by discharging the tension of our own drives, but by committing ourselves to continual bonding in love with others no matter what happens or how they behave.   Connectedness is as unconditional as love, since it survives it under any conditions.

In the connections that fulfill us we discover how utterly open our hearts can be; in those that disappoint us we find how tenderly vulnerable our heart can become.  In any case, it is ultimately between one heart and another the manna of human wholeness is exchanged, bestowed, and blessed.  How fortunate we humans are that love, just love, turns out to be the only dawn that it takes to dispel our isolation.

When I love the not, chaos is come again.

William Shakespeare

(The above is an extract taken from The Five Things We Cannot Change and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them, written by David Richo)